The decision to end a relationship and file for divorce is an
exceptionally difficult one. Procrastination, indecision, anxiety, panic, anger,
uncertainty; all of these and more will be felt whilst considering whether you
should stay or walk away. With the end of a marriage or long-term relationship
undoubtedly always bringing about major changes, this is entirely
understandable and, in my opinion, unavoidable.
That said, the severity of the negative emotions that you
feel can be controlled to some extent. I’ve always found that clients who are
able to rationalise their decisions have been those best placed to limit the
extent to which negative feelings actually affect them. For this reason,
rationalising your decision to end your relationship beforehand always make the
task itself, the feelings that follow and any resulting changes to your
lifestyle far more tolerable. In order to help you with this here are what I
believe to be the top five signs that it’s time for a divorce:
1. You’re both indifferent
It’s widely assumed that arguments between couples are
detrimental to their relationship. Whilst this is true to an extent (constant
bickering and disagreement are bound to wear people down after all), they can
also be positive.
When people openly discuss things that are making them feel
dissatisfied, they’re also trying to resolve things and improve the situation.
Even when this leads to confrontation, it has the potential to be beneficial
and shows that the parties care enough to try and work things out. When they
therefore shut down and simply bottle up their dissatisfaction, they’ve already
given up on the relationship.
So, if you or your partner no longer care enough to argue,
it’s time to walk away.
2. There’s resentment
If either spouse has come to resent the other, there’s no
hope of the relationship being a happy one ever again.
When one person blames the other for something like a missed
opportunity brought about by, for example, sacrifices they’ve made for their
spouse, there’s no coming back. If you feel this way about your spouse, it’s
time to call it a day.
3. The love’s gone
Most couples that file for divorce ultimately do so because
they and their spouse have fallen out of love with one another and with good
reason. Love, after all, is the bedrock upon which the foundation of any
marriage is built. Without it, the whole thing starts to crumble.
If you no longer love your spouse or vice versa, you can
still maintain a friendship (this’ll be particularly beneficial if you’ve had
children together) but there’s little point trying to hold the marriage together.
4. Their behaviour doesn’t change
Every couple encounters problems. Sometimes, it’s because
one spouse behaves in a way that’s exceptionally selfish or inconsiderate. At
other times, this behaviour is ongoing for a prolonged period, but the
offending spouse makes a concerted effort to change and does so. When these
circumstances apply, the affected couple can go on to enjoy a happy marriage.
If the offending party does not change their behaviour, however, their spouse
is simply never going to be happy with their marriage.
To put it another way, if you’ve persistently informed your
spouse that you’re unhappy with their behaviour only for it to persist, you
really should consider ending your marriage.
5. You see no other option
Sometimes, couples are so determined to save their marriages
that they try everything they can think of –
from marriage counselling to prolonged periods of time apart – to no
avail. Trust me, if you can genuinely say you’ve tried everything and you’re
still unhappy, it’s time to separate, start a new chapter in your life and find
contentment.
Author bio:
Jay Williams works as a case manager at Quickie Divorce, one
of the largest providers of uncontested divorce
solutions in England and Wales.
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