Getting Divorced: January Is Divorce Season

Divorce is often a difficult journey and whilst that journey varies from person to person, almost everyone only reaches their Divorce Monday after having tried harder than most people can imagine possible. Whilst there's no denying that divorce is a hard path to take, it's certainly no failure.

Did you know January is the most popular month for getting divorced? Over twice as many people file for divorce in January as file for it in the second most popular month - September. Divorce Monday - the most popular day for a divorce - falls on the first working Monday of the month. It must be the come down from all that turkey and chocolates, and to be fair there's always a bit of a lull in the office that day - I guess people need to fill their time somehow.

The mainstream media tells it how it is.Divorce Monday reflects all that is wrong with society 'nowadays'; a society where people are unwilling to put in effort, where couples walk away from commitments too easily and flit from one bad decision to the next searching for instant gratification. Many countries, including the UK, don't allow no-fault divorce, fearing it encourages higher divorce rates.

Some campaigners have suggested solutions to these problems. Limits should be introduced on when you can petition for a divorce. Divorce Monday may become Divorce Tuesday. Perhaps we could keep limiting it until we run out of days in the week. In fact, a disproportionate number of people who divorce got engaged at the weekend - let's cancel those too. Why stop there though? Marriage is the root of all these problems, without it there'd be no divorce. Let's just be done with it and scrap marriage (*JOKE*).

My own Divorce Monday came over two years ago. It's been one hell of a journey since then, and of course it started well before the day I sent off that paperwork. Divorce is not a good thing in and of itself, just as it's not a universally bad thing. Divorce is an outcome for many people which they need. It is a result which only they can know if it is right for them, and only they can know when it is right for them. For many people, that will be this January.

It is sad that Divorce Monday exists, I don't deny that. Believe me, I've shed enough tears to know divorce is tough. It's not sad because of some imagined blight divorce represents on our society though. It's sad because it represents the end of someone's hopes and dreams and it often hides many months, if not years, of unhappiness at best (and much worse for many). Divorce is often a difficult journey and whilst that journey varies from person to person, almost everyone only reaches their Divorce Monday after having tried harder than most people can imagine possible. Whilst there's no denying that divorce is a hard path to take, it's certainly no failure.

So if you are one of those getting divorced this January I want to tell you this.

Getting divorced will be the hardest and most rewarding thing you have ever done. It may sound strange to call a divorce rewarding, but I'm guessing you ain't happy with how things are going and you haven't been for quite some time. Lots of people contemplate divorce but decide it isn't right for them. None of us get that far into the idea of divorce without good reason. I have no idea what yours may be. A loveless marriage. Constant arguing. Abuse. Boredom. Infidelity. Addiction. The list goes on. It doesn't matter your reason. It just matters that it's yours. Filing for divorce represents an end of hope. An end to the belief that things will get better. Maybe the hope was extinguished suddenly, or perhaps you've finally realised it's been dying for some time now. The one thing I know for certain though is that hope keeps us in a bad marriage more than love ever could.

If you are getting divorced this month just remember you're not alone. This will be a tough path to take but in time your life will become happier. Not just happier from now, in the first days of divorce, but from how it was in the last days of marriage. After all, that's what divorce is about. It is not about walking away, giving up, making a bad decision or whatever else others want to claim it is, it's about getting out of an unhappy/ unhealthy/ un-[insert your adjective of choice] marriage. It can be a long journey but you will find the strength. To those divorcing this January, I wish you the best of luck with it.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ella-davis/getting-divorced-january-_b_14232600.html

Owning Alone: conquering your fear of being solo: Teresa Rodriguez at TEDxWilmington

Fidelity Series: 10 Signs Your Partner Might be Cheating on You

Sadly, an unfaithful partner has burned many of us who long for monogamous relationships. At one moment everything seems amazing between the two of you and the next, you’re telling them to pack their bags. But weren’t there signs? Yes, there were. Behavior changes in our partners may feel subtle, but they can act as huge red flags that tell us that something is up. Psych2Go has a new list for you: here are 10 signs your partner might be cheating on you.

Of course, everyone may be a little guilty of these behaviors at one time or another, but it’s all about what feels out of place for us and what seems excessive.

1. They’re Obsessed With Their Looks

Has your partner been taking more of an interest in their beauty as of late? Are they hitting way more gym hours than they usually do? Are they making more of a point to show this newfound hotness on their social media? Sure, they might just be doing it for themselves… but their new look might not be just for you. Now remember, loving the gym doesn’t make someone unfaithful. But if someone’s cheating on you, chances are, they’re pumping iron.

2. They’re No Longer Interested in Sex With You

It’s natural for couples to have less sex as their relationship progresses. Most of us know this, and though some of us can’t always have sex with our partners every day, many of us have no problem trying to keep the intimacy alive. But when a partner withdrawals abruptly on sexual activity, they shoot up a huge red flag of infidelity. Partners who constantly refuse or postpone sex may just be saving their sexual energy for another partner.

3. They Are More Attentive to You Than Normal

Just as it can be a warning for a partner to withdraw sexually, it can also be telling when a partner begins to show you a little too much affection. A partner that cheats may give you constant displays of affection and might even want to have sex with you more times in a day than you can take! While some people who cheat lack the cognitive dissonance necessary to feel guilt for their actions, leaving them feeling justified, these affectionate cheaters tend to smother you because they feel guilt for their betrayal.

4. They Constantly Talk Badly About Another Person

You could also just take this at face value: they may just not like that person. But there’s room for judgment here. Is your partner constantly complaining about a co-worker or friend, telling you how gross and unattractive they are? Is that person… not that unattractive? They might be trying to throw off the suspicion that that same person is a secret lover.

5. They are Constantly Arguing With You

Has your partner been constantly picking fights with you? Do they get irritated by things that you say, even after you tell them you don’t mean any harm? They might be showing their softer side to someone else. This behavior can be explained by the resentment a partner feels when they are unhappy in a relationship. They may be comparing you to their newer partner and condemning you for not being like them.

Some cheating partners may even threaten to end the relationship, suggesting breakups in the middle of arguments. This might feel cruel and controlling, but what they really want is for you to agree and break up with them, thus solving the problem they’ve created.

6. They Have Low Self-Esteem

Does your partner seek constant validation? Is the validation you give not enough? Partners with low self-esteem may seek or respond to validation from strangers in regard to their looks and desirability. Interested strangers at bars easily woo these flirty people, as well as appealing Instagram profiles that slide into their DMs. If you don’t tell them on a daily basis that they are your world, they’ll find someone else that does.

7. They get Defensive With Their Social Media and Phones

Yes, we’re all entitled to our privacy. Being in a relationship with someone does not grant you automatic access to their phone and social media passwords. But are they a little too guarded about their screens? If a partner works to ensure you don’t see who or what they text or gets snappy with you when you glance at their screen, it might just be because there’s something there they don’t want you to see.

8. They Get Texts at Odd Hours From Strange Numbers

Isn’t it nice to watch a movie with your significant other on their nice 15-inch laptop? Trust me, it’s not so nice when an iMessage pops up from a random phone number asking your partner “How’s your night going?”. Because we all know that no platonic friend is asking your partner “how their night is going” at 1 am. Does their phone light up with messages from unlisted numbers and “friends” you’ve never heard of until now? Your partner probably has some explaining to do.

9. They Project Their Behavior Onto You

Mirroring is a common defense mechanism that many people use to ease themselves of their wrongdoings. People who mirror project their mistakes or undesirable traits onto other people, enabling them to condemn the things they don’t like about themselves, without having to feel any real shame. People who cheat may mirror their behavior onto you by accusing you of cheating. This can be brought up as a serious accusation, or even a repeated joke.

10. Your Intuition is Telling You Something Is Wrong

This sounds a little vague. But it’s true! No one knows the inner workings of your relationship better than you do. When your partner’s overall demeanor – and the feeling you get from your relationship – changes, there’s no one better than you to understand that something is up. Listen to your gut. It’s important to remember that you cannot accuse anyone of cheating or dishonesty without any proof, but it’s always a good idea to open up a discussion about how you feel things have been different.

https://psych2go.net/10-signs-your-partner-might-be-cheating-on-you/

How to Begin Again | Beverly Willett | TEDxSavannah

#AskMel: Should I stay in this relationship? | Mel Robbins

How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch

Surviving Divorce: David Sbarra at TEDxTucson 2012

10 Marital Problems That Cause Divorce. BY CATHY MEYER

Is your marriage plagued with any of these problems?

All marriages are impacted by problems. Marital problems cause couples to seek a divorce on a daily basis. Whether or not a marriage survives when a problem hits depends on the problem and how a couple decides to deal with that problem

Couples who are able to work together in resolving conflict are more likely to be able to save their marriage. Couples who lack the proper conflict resolution skills may find themselves in divorce court for problems that could have easily been solved.

Below is a list of 10 marital problems that may cause divorce 

Consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues for the sake of your marriage.

1. Money problems.

Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues. How you decide to deal with money problems in your marriage will determine whether those problems has a negative or positive effect on your marriage.

If Jane loves Gucci shoes and Dick has a blue collar job, Jane and Dick are going to face having to resolve the problem of Jane's expensive taste and Dick's low income. I wouldn't put money on Dick winning that argument and more than likely, Jane has poor conflict resolving skills. I'm sure that Jane will be disappointed when she finds out that alimony is hard to get these days and even if she did, it wouldn't cover the cost of a new pair of Gucci sandals.

2. Children.

Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples. A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can accentuate differences in beliefs on issues like how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the child care or what educational options to choose.

And, there is the matter of lost sleep, who has to change dirty diapers, run after them when they start walking and the exorbitant cost of daycare. It's easy to see who children can put a strain on even the best marriage. 

3. Sex.

Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage. Withholding sex to punish a spouse, breaks the marital bond. Cheating on a spouse destroys trust. Sex can be a HUGE issue when it comes to undoing the vows you took. 

Sex is wonderful until it isn't anymore!

4. Time apart.

Time apart and a lack of quality time together causes couples to become out of sync with each other. Having shared interests and activities you participate in on a regular basis helps couples stay connected. 

Military couples fall victim to this problem in their marriages. Enduring long deployments and constant temporary assignments away from home couples have to have a special bond for a marriage to last. 

5. Household Responsibilities.

Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do what. Don't quibble or divide up chores, you're adults, if you see something that needs to be done, do it.

Or, decide together to split household chores based on those you each enjoy or can tolerate the best.

6. Friends.

Not all friends are helpful to relationships some of them are toxic. Be sure you know the difference between a friend who will enhance your relationship and one who will break it down.

7. Irritating habits.

Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable. My ex never got angry with me. I ask him once why and told him there had to be things I did that irritated him. He responded by telling me he “loved everything about me.” This was shortly before he decided he no longer loved me! So, don’t be afraid to point out habits that irritate you, just be sure you do it in a non-defensive way.

8. Family.

In-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage.

When coping with negative issues because of family step gently. Our spouse should come first but there are times you have to be willing to take a backseat and bite your tongue.

9. Expectations.

We all go into marriage with certain expectations. Most of the time, marriage is the opposite of what we expected. We romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those romantic expectations aren’t met. Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.

10. Personality conflicts.

Is your personality ruining your marriage? There are personality traits that can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your spouse? Do you bend over backward to please your spouse, neglecting your needs in the process? If you answered yes to any of these, your need to work on changes these negative personality traits.

Each of the above is a very common problem dealt with in a marriage. Although they are problems, they can also be opportunities for growth, learning, and accord. Whether these issues remain problems causing stress in your marriage or become an opportunity for growth is up to you.

https://www.liveabout.com/marital-problems-that-cause-divorce-1102945

16 Tips For Dealing With Heartbreak, As Told By Reddit 'Don’t look them up on social media.' By Natasha Hinde

Heartbreak is the worst. You sit around, you cry a lot and your appetite either disappears off the face of the Earth or arrives in full force making you crave allthe sweet things (hello ice cream, my old friend). 

Unfortunately, there’s no foolproof method for dealing with a broken heart. However there are some things you can do to make life a little bit brighter.

Here, Redditors share their tips for surviving a breakup... 

1. “Invest in you, think of a skill you always wished you could have but never seemed possible.”

- moosecakems

2. “Allow yourself to be sad for a while - try not to fight how you feel. Take a good amount of time to be single and feel good as just yourself again. You will feel good again! ‘This too shall pass’ as they say.”

- HeartOfTheForest

3. “Zero contact. Don’t look them up on social media at all, no matter how tempting.”

- PM_ME_CUPS_OF_TEA

4. “Step 1. Buy dog. Step 2. Buy more dogs. Step 3. Leave for an hour, come home and enjoy all the kisses.”

- Macgill7

5. “Time, complemented with alcohol, friends and the gym. It’s a combination that’s yet to fail for me.”

- BronusSwagner

6. “Picking up a couple of new hobbies helps distract your mind and gives you a goal that you can aim for, so even if you think things aren’t going well, you can take a step back and see you’re still succeeding at something.

- PM_ME_CUPS_OF_TEA

7. “Appreciate it. You’ll only feel that bad a few times in your life, if you’re lucky. It’s one milepost on the continuum of emotions experienced by human beings.”

- LiterallyOuttoLunch

8. “If you have pets, spend some time with them. Watch them follow you around the house, beg for your attention, and other pet stuff. Realise that you’re still very lovable to these intelligent and sweet creatures even though that person didn’t feel the same way. If you don’t have pets, use friends or family. If none of that works, then do a self-love day. Anything to remind yourself that there will be someone else because you’re capable of love/like/contentment.”

- faller675

9. “Just keep yourself busy, don’t sit around and think about it.”

- HawhyE

10. “Random sex and plenty of alcohol.”

- EatingSexually

11. “Ask yourself: Do you really want to be with a person who doesn’t want to be with you?”

- supataranta

12. “Try to focus on yourself and doing things to make each day happy rather than doing things purely in an attempt to show your ex that you’re happy. Big distinction to be made there.”

- PM_ME_CUPS_OF_TEA 

13. “Try to see it as a learning experience. I don’t know what happened, but neither of us can change the past so learn from it.”

- Zombysushi

14. “Exercise. it’s a solid antidepressant and once it starts to click that you’re doing something good for yourself, it’ll start to feel better and better.”

- PoopDog77

15. “Control what you can about your environment so you are less likely to wallow or increase your sadness. Change the song, even if it reminds you of happy times or if the lyrics perfectly fit. Drive a new way to work so you don’t pass their mom’s house. Watch conspiracy theory documentaries instead of a romantic comedy.”

- notreallyamango

16. “Listen to 808s and Heartbreak. It fixes everything.”

- PaolaWarbler

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/tips-for-dealing-with-heartbreak-according-to-reddit_uk_591c24cee4b0ed14cddacd7f?utm_hp_ref=uk-break-ups

Amy Schumer on Her Abusive Ex: "I Was Afraid for My Life" | SuperSoul Conversations | OWN

How being heartbroken was the best thing to ever happen to me: Emma Gibbs at TEDxSouthBankWomen

5 Great Reasons to Date a Divorced Man. By Marceline Joseph

What are the benefits of dating a divorced man? Other than the fact he has plenty of life experiences, read on to find out!

“I don’t see divorce as a failure. I see it as the end to a story. In a story, everything has an end and a beginning.” ~ Olga Kurylenko, French Actress

Yes, that’s what divorce can also be, a beginning; not at all necessary that it would only put an end to everything. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, ages and status, backgrounds and nationalities; so on and so forth. If we are to talk about the plight of divorced men and throw light on the perspective that highlights the aspect of coupling up with them, then a minimal answer to this otherwise debatable topic should be “hell yes!”

But no, that’s not how it would work out. You gotta have enough reasons to support such proclamations right?

Well, here’s all you may wish to read, know, learn, and be convinced about when it comes to dating a divorced man.

1. He is likely to be more family-friendly and compassionate

We tend to crave and value things that we either have a void for or have lost in our lives. For a divorced man, the most valuable thing he has lost in the past is a family, compassion, and togetherness.

It is likely that he would long for these elements and miss those days. Now that you are confused whether to date divorced a man who has got nothing more to lose in life, the answer is right there in front of you … “go ahead”.

2. Your man is beyond most of the “boyfriend” stereotypes

A divorced man has already been a boyfriend to someone, or at least a husband to a woman with whom things didn’t work well. That’s a different context though. But the point is mature, has seen his share of sunrises and sunsets and is, more than like, a ‘catch.’

A man who had been through calamities concerning his conjugal life and learned from his mistakes will bring to you a bundle of joy wrapped in his gesture, maturity and more responsible attitude – making your life an entire garden itself, filled with love in its truest sense.

3. He is likely to understand your needs better

Most of the time it’s not the materialistic gifts that invoke love and passion in us, but it’s the gift of compassion and care that we all crave for. However, we cannot force a partner to be this sensible all the time, could we? There’s no thrill in it. But you know what could be expected when dating a divorced man? A sensible attitude and responses made to fulfill the need for love and happiness.

The reason is simple; he has been through a roller coaster ride in his past. No book can educate men in understanding women unless it’s the woman herself. Now that he knows how to value a woman’s needs and distinguish them from the term “desire”, he’s going to keep you happy by understanding and responding to your needs which is much beyond a shopping or a movie date.

4. If he decides to marry for a second time, it’s likely to last for a lifetime

Marriage is no child’s play, and especially the second time around. A man who has failed to protect his first marriage is a man who would leave no stone unturned to ensure a conjugal life that lasts for a lifetime if he gets married again.

The reason is quite clear. If he has decided to get married for the second time it’s because he has learned from his past. He wouldn’t be taking the plunge again if he weren’t sure of himself and his ability to succeed a second time.

5. A divorced man is likely to debunk few myths, only to make you stronger

For example, he might just break a stereotype and dispel the most common myth of cupidity that says “love at first sight” or “yes, he is the one”. A divorced man willing to date is a real live example of how love cannot be confined or put into brackets. Isn’t it still better to have your myths broken and dispelled than your heart?

If you too are suffering heartbreak or have suffered it in the past, then being with a divorced man will help you explore things beyond first love and how this wonderful feeling can grow with each passing day – if you have the right partner by your side.

To wrap up: at the end of the day, it is you who will decide whether or not to date a divorced man. You will choose your kind of happiness. Life is like a storybook; just make sure that you are on the right page with someone who could help to build up the plot further. Good luck!

---

Marceline Joseph is a psychiatrist and also an academic writer associated with Assignment Help Company. Not only a counselor and a writer, Marceline is also known to have a flair for composing short poems and stories for children.

https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/reasons-to-date-a-divorced-man/#.WyJ6TAXQuwo.email

How to break up and move on

What am I up against?

It’s hard to let go of a relationship after investing so much of yourself into it. Very often you still feel connected to them, and it can even feel a bit like they are still a part of you in some way. So seeing your ex with someone else can sometimes feel incredibly painful.

How do I deal with it?

If they ended it

If you’re still emotionally attached when the relationship ends, you may find it hard to feel a sense of closure. This can make it really difficult to form new, quality relationships (Wilson, 2008). Understanding why the relationship ended and why it didn’t work out can help you let go of lingering feelings.

In the first instance, try asking your ex why they ended it. Allow them to speak and resist the temptation to defend yourself. Keep it light and explain from the outset that all you want from the conversation is closure. Ex-partners may feel that you want to meet as part of a ploy to reignite the relationship, so set it squarely and maybe ask to meet in a public place like a coffee shop to make your intentions clear.

Focus on the idea of a positive future relationship

One way to let go of an emotional attachment to an ex-partner is to focus on new relationship options. This doesn’t have to mean starting a new relationship – research suggests that just having a positive outlook on potential future relationships can help with reducing the attachment to previous partners.

Timing is quite crucial here; moving on before you gain closure could mean that your emotions are out of kilter. Sometimes after a relationship, you need a little time to rediscover your own identity.  If you aren’t yet happy in yourself, you may struggle to form a new partnership. However, if the time is right for you, considering potential romantic opportunities might be what you need to move on. One Canadian study found that “focussing on specific new relationship options can decrease attachment to an ex-partner for anxiously attached individuals” (Spielmann, MacDonald, & Wilson, 2009).

Take a break from online social networks

Before you can cope with the idea of your partner with someone else, you’re probably going to need a bit of time. If you can avoid seeing them in the meantime, then that’s going to serve you well. However, if your Facebook page and other social networks are going to keep shoving it in your face, then the temptation to scroll through your ex’s photos might prove too great. It may be worth blocking them for a while, or even taking a break from social networks for a few weeks. You can always reactivate your account once you feel ready.

https://click.clickrelationships.org/content/breakups/how-to-break-up-and-move-on/

Cameron Diaz on cheating partners - The Graham Norton Show: Series 15 Episode 1 Preview - BBC One

Women Getting Over A Marriage Break Up - Tips To Moving On. By Suzy Weiss

Women getting over a marriage break up is never easy. Maybe once in your life you thought you have found the right person to grow old with. You marry each other, and you live a good life together for a few months or years. Then unexpected things will happen. You try counseling to make things work. Yet you still can't fix the issues within the marriage. The only solution you could think about is parting ways.

If it's a separation for two people who once loved each other dearly, it's an emotional turmoil. As they say, not all relationships are meant to last. At some point, you have to let go of the marriage, especially when things don't work anymore. Forcing a relationship to work out can sometimes do more harm than good. If you just came from a marriage breakup, the following steps could help you in moving on after divorce or splitting up.

1. Acknowledge that both you and your spouse had a problem. Now is the best time to process everything. There is no shortcut in forgetting someone. There is no easy way to move on after your marriage is over. Accept the fact that both you and your ex-husband contributed to the demise of your marriage. A relationship involves two people. Don't blame it all to yourself and don't point your finger to anybody else.

2. Cry your heart out. Keeping all your anger, heartache and other emotions bottled up will do you no good. You need to let them loose. If you feel the need to cry, then do so. Don't ever think that you should not cry over your ex-husband. Crying may not solve anything, however, it can make you feel better. This is an excellent tip in Women getting over a marriage break up.

3. Admit to yourself that you two have split up for good. You need to wake up to the reality that you can no longer turn back time. Your relationship has come to an end. Deal with it and try to move on. Living in the past would only keep you from recovering from a marriage break up.

4. Ask your family members for support. Your family are the ones you can turn to during these difficult times. They can provide encouragement for you to be able to get over a divorce. You also need to spend more time with yourself. Now that you are single again, start focusing on yourself more.

5. Talk to your friends about what happened. Spill out all your emotional pains you have been harboring with your friends. You need someone who would listen and sympathize with you. Your friends can also help cheer you up. Hang out with them more, and enjoy your newfound single status.

6. Take up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to play golf or tennis, but was unable to when you were married? Well, now is the perfect time to learn the sport. Engage yourself in a new hobby. Try new things that would keep yourself preoccupied. Go to places you like or have always been dreaming of visiting. Simply enjoy your new life as a single woman.

7. Don't give up on love. Women getting over a marriage break up may take you more time before you start dating again. You need to heal first before you go out there and meet new guys. But be sure that you don't hate love or relationships because your marriage did not work out. The right guy is just out there waiting for you.

https://articlebliss.com/Article/647838/Women-Getting-Over-A-Marriage-Break-Up-Tips-To-Moving-On.html

The Perks of Being Divorced. Explore the New You as One of the Perks of Being Divorced By Wendi Schuller

When in the throes of a difficult divorce, it is hard to imagine that life may get better. One is focusing on losses and not anticipating that there are some gains as well. The adage “every cloud has a silver lining” does ring true. Post-divorce, many of us discovered that there were more silver linings than storm clouds, and there are perks of being divorced.

One woman I interviewed, said that she is now “the CEO” of her house. She repainted, rearranged, and planted an extensive garden. Whatever she feels like doing (within her budget), she does it. When married, this woman had to run ideas by her autocratic spouse. Another person adopted a cat as soon as the divorce was finalized. Their former spouse had loathed felines. Men have echoed similar sentiments. They got back into sports, which was fun and resulted in a physically fit body.

Explore a New Career or Head out on Spontaneous Adventures Post-Divorce 

Post-divorce instead of focusing on loss, think of life as a change with new opportunities to reinvent yourself. A divorced friend said that she is “captain of her own ship.” For the first time, she feels that she is totally in charge of her life. Steer your course on unchartered waters – possibly by changing careers. Some of us have become writers and painters in our newly solo lives.

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, re-frame your thoughts to something more positive. I did not realize how drained I was during my marriage trying to please a hostile mother-in-law. The energy I exerted on her is put to better use post-divorce. My social life has expanded and I have time to volunteer. Think about relationships that consumed your time when married. Some of these individuals may be dropped and replaced with positive ones who are supportive.

Being in a troubled marriage can divert attention away from the children. As one of the perks of being divorced, I was able to get to know my sons on a deeper level in my more relaxed state. When trying to hold things together in my unhappy marriage, I only asked the boys superficial questions. Becoming closer to my sons before the empty nest occurred was the most important perk of my divorce.

Travel can be more spontaneous after a divorce when not having to match your time off from work with someone else. A few days ago, I met a divorced pal at a coffee shop. We talked about how one river cruise company was running a 2 for the price of 1 special with free airfare. Neither of us have been to Ukraine, and within a half hour we were all set to go on a river cruise around the Black Sea. This was a repeat from two years prior while sitting at that coffee shop, when we booked a river cruise through Germany. I do not have to check in with anyone else when making on the spot travel arrangements and grabbing bargain rates.

Perks of Being Divorced: Reconnect with Family

Yes, not having a double income is unsettling at times. My sons and I have attained wisdom after divorce and discovered that we do not need a lot of stuff or the latest technology. We prefer to buy minimally and savor experiences over material goods. Our priorities shifted. I have listened to so many stories from others about how divorce forced them to look into themselves and produce rewarding changes. Consider how your divorce can be a catalyst for making adjustments in your life and experience the perks of being divorced.

If you are struggling, consider putting in writing what you are grateful for post-divorce. Jot down how life is better, no matter if it is trivial. Being able to avoid cooking meals by picking up healthy take away has made it on some divorced people’s lists. Writing in a journal is therapeutic. One can look back and see how they have healed or made progress. If you see only negatives, that is what you will find. If you choose to look upon the bright side of life, that is what you will discover post-divorce.

https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/the-perks-of-being-divorced/