10 Marital Problems That Cause Divorce. BY CATHY MEYER

Is your marriage plagued with any of these problems?

All marriages are impacted by problems. Marital problems cause couples to seek a divorce on a daily basis. Whether or not a marriage survives when a problem hits depends on the problem and how a couple decides to deal with that problem

Couples who are able to work together in resolving conflict are more likely to be able to save their marriage. Couples who lack the proper conflict resolution skills may find themselves in divorce court for problems that could have easily been solved.

Below is a list of 10 marital problems that may cause divorce 

Consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues for the sake of your marriage.

1. Money problems.

Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues. How you decide to deal with money problems in your marriage will determine whether those problems has a negative or positive effect on your marriage.

If Jane loves Gucci shoes and Dick has a blue collar job, Jane and Dick are going to face having to resolve the problem of Jane's expensive taste and Dick's low income. I wouldn't put money on Dick winning that argument and more than likely, Jane has poor conflict resolving skills. I'm sure that Jane will be disappointed when she finds out that alimony is hard to get these days and even if she did, it wouldn't cover the cost of a new pair of Gucci sandals.

2. Children.

Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples. A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can accentuate differences in beliefs on issues like how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the child care or what educational options to choose.

And, there is the matter of lost sleep, who has to change dirty diapers, run after them when they start walking and the exorbitant cost of daycare. It's easy to see who children can put a strain on even the best marriage. 

3. Sex.

Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage. Withholding sex to punish a spouse, breaks the marital bond. Cheating on a spouse destroys trust. Sex can be a HUGE issue when it comes to undoing the vows you took. 

Sex is wonderful until it isn't anymore!

4. Time apart.

Time apart and a lack of quality time together causes couples to become out of sync with each other. Having shared interests and activities you participate in on a regular basis helps couples stay connected. 

Military couples fall victim to this problem in their marriages. Enduring long deployments and constant temporary assignments away from home couples have to have a special bond for a marriage to last. 

5. Household Responsibilities.

Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do what. Don't quibble or divide up chores, you're adults, if you see something that needs to be done, do it.

Or, decide together to split household chores based on those you each enjoy or can tolerate the best.

6. Friends.

Not all friends are helpful to relationships some of them are toxic. Be sure you know the difference between a friend who will enhance your relationship and one who will break it down.

7. Irritating habits.

Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable. My ex never got angry with me. I ask him once why and told him there had to be things I did that irritated him. He responded by telling me he “loved everything about me.” This was shortly before he decided he no longer loved me! So, don’t be afraid to point out habits that irritate you, just be sure you do it in a non-defensive way.

8. Family.

In-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage.

When coping with negative issues because of family step gently. Our spouse should come first but there are times you have to be willing to take a backseat and bite your tongue.

9. Expectations.

We all go into marriage with certain expectations. Most of the time, marriage is the opposite of what we expected. We romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those romantic expectations aren’t met. Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.

10. Personality conflicts.

Is your personality ruining your marriage? There are personality traits that can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your spouse? Do you bend over backward to please your spouse, neglecting your needs in the process? If you answered yes to any of these, your need to work on changes these negative personality traits.

Each of the above is a very common problem dealt with in a marriage. Although they are problems, they can also be opportunities for growth, learning, and accord. Whether these issues remain problems causing stress in your marriage or become an opportunity for growth is up to you.

https://www.liveabout.com/marital-problems-that-cause-divorce-1102945

Our Divorce System Is In Disarray by Emily Beatrice Morris

Speaking as a child of divorced parents, I am thankful that my parents were granted a divorce.

There is a certain sense of desperation you can feel for Tini Owens after the Supreme Court ruled that she must stay in an unhappy marriage for another two years despite previously leaving the matrimonial home in February 2015.

Under the current law, a divorce can only be granted if the marriage has broken down to adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion or living apart for five years. The current system is ‘fault-based’ where one spouse must place blame for the divorce with the other. This creates a burning sense of injustice because as the Ministry of Justice tweeted, “The current system of divorce creates unnecessary antagonism in an already difficult situation”. As people are living longer, it is likely that partners will fall out of love with each other and the case of Tini Owens only serves as a stark reminder of just how archaic our marriage laws are.

The Supreme Court’s ruling has trapped Tini Owens in a loveless marriage and without a divorce, there is no opportunity for Owens to move forward with her life. It is horrifying and frightening that a legal system can be used to force one partner to stay in an unhappy marriage. There was a solid basis for the Supreme Court to order a divorce after Mrs Owens cited 27 allegations about her husband’s “unreasonable behaviour” and she felt “constantly mistrusted”. Without being too controversial, could forcing Owens to stay in the marriage be seen as a form of coercive behaviour?

Coercive behaviour was outlawed in 2015 so arguably our marriage laws are outdated for modern society. Other countries often look towards our justice system as a source of inspiration but we should be ashamed of a legal system that forces a person to stay in an unhappy marriage.

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If we want any further evidence that we are behind our counterparts, China has permitted a no-fault divorce based system since the 1950s. This is a country that is famed for its strong emphasis on marriage because they often call unmarried women in their 30s a “leftover women”. The fact that a no-fault divorce system is recognised in a country that is so preoccupied with idealism and romantic love only serves as a simple reminder that our marriage laws should be updated to recognise the needs of our ever-changing society.

The impact a fault-based system creates for forgotten parties in the divorce is often ignored. Speaking as a child of divorced parents, I am thankful that my parents were granted a divorce because when one of your parents is unhappy, it can eat at your own happiness. Children of parents who separate are more likely to drop out of education, commit crime and have mental health problems. Can it not be argued that children pick up on the tensions created by the fault-based divorce system?

Since the Supreme Court’s ruling, the Ministry of Justice have said they are “already looking closely at possible reforms to the system”. Given the above reasons, a no-fault based system would recognise the needs of modern society and it is the best way to empower people to end their marriage but until the marriage laws are updated, the current fault-based divorce system is in disarray.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/our-divorce-system-is-in-disarray_uk_5b68cafbe4b08c2f0a5e10ce?utm_hp_ref=uk-divorce

5 Signs It's Time To Uncouple. By Jay Williams

The decision to end a relationship and file for divorce is an exceptionally difficult one. Procrastination, indecision, anxiety, panic, anger, uncertainty; all of these and more will be felt whilst considering whether you should stay or walk away. With the end of a marriage or long-term relationship undoubtedly always bringing about major changes, this is entirely understandable and, in my opinion, unavoidable.

That said, the severity of the negative emotions that you feel can be controlled to some extent. I’ve always found that clients who are able to rationalise their decisions have been those best placed to limit the extent to which negative feelings actually affect them. For this reason, rationalising your decision to end your relationship beforehand always make the task itself, the feelings that follow and any resulting changes to your lifestyle far more tolerable. In order to help you with this here are what I believe to be the top five signs that it’s time for a divorce:

1.       You’re both indifferent

It’s widely assumed that arguments between couples are detrimental to their relationship. Whilst this is true to an extent (constant bickering and disagreement are bound to wear people down after all), they can also be positive.

When people openly discuss things that are making them feel dissatisfied, they’re also trying to resolve things and improve the situation. Even when this leads to confrontation, it has the potential to be beneficial and shows that the parties care enough to try and work things out. When they therefore shut down and simply bottle up their dissatisfaction, they’ve already given up on the relationship.

So, if you or your partner no longer care enough to argue, it’s time to walk away.

2.       There’s resentment

If either spouse has come to resent the other, there’s no hope of the relationship being a happy one ever again.

When one person blames the other for something like a missed opportunity brought about by, for example, sacrifices they’ve made for their spouse, there’s no coming back. If you feel this way about your spouse, it’s time to call it a day.

3.       The love’s gone

Most couples that file for divorce ultimately do so because they and their spouse have fallen out of love with one another and with good reason. Love, after all, is the bedrock upon which the foundation of any marriage is built. Without it, the whole thing starts to crumble.

If you no longer love your spouse or vice versa, you can still maintain a friendship (this’ll be particularly beneficial if you’ve had children together) but there’s little point trying to hold the marriage together.

4.       Their behaviour doesn’t change

Every couple encounters problems. Sometimes, it’s because one spouse behaves in a way that’s exceptionally selfish or inconsiderate. At other times, this behaviour is ongoing for a prolonged period, but the offending spouse makes a concerted effort to change and does so. When these circumstances apply, the affected couple can go on to enjoy a happy marriage. If the offending party does not change their behaviour, however, their spouse is simply never going to be happy with their marriage.

To put it another way, if you’ve persistently informed your spouse that you’re unhappy with their behaviour only for it to persist, you really should consider ending your marriage.

5.       You see no other option

Sometimes, couples are so determined to save their marriages that they try everything they can think of –  from marriage counselling to prolonged periods of time apart – to no avail. Trust me, if you can genuinely say you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy, it’s time to separate, start a new chapter in your life and find contentment.

Author bio:

Jay Williams works as a case manager at Quickie Divorce, one of the largest providers of uncontested divorce solutions in England and Wales.