5 Signs that Tell You When It’s Time to Leave a Relationship. By Ash Osborne

Relationships can be tricky. They’re amazing when they’re going well but if something happens, or you’re on a rocky road, they can be painful. If you’ve been with someone a long time, you can start to get stuck in a routine. You might not necessarily notice the behaviour of your other half because it’s become the norm to you. Taking a step back and looking at your relationship from a different viewpoint can be really beneficial and help you to gain perspective on a scenario.

There is no ‘perfect’ relationship. Even the happiest of couples can have arguments, disagreements and temporary breakups. That’s life. But there is a time when you have to look at your relationship without rose-tinted glasses and see if those small arguments are actually escalating into massive rows. Sometimes, you have to leave a relationship and put yourself first to be happy. So, Psych2Go shares 5 signs that tell you when it’s time to leave a relationship.

1) You’re consistently unhappy.

Any relationship, be it friends, family or romantic, should bring you happiness. You should look forward to seeing your partner, and enjoy spending time with them. Obviously, you can’t be constantly happy in a relationship because that’s not realistic. But you should feel supported, safe and loved. If you start to feel consistently unhappy, maybe it‘s time to ask yourself why. Maybe it’s you, or it may be your partner. It‘s good to understand why you’re feeling unhappy so you can either fix the problem or choose to leave. There is no shame to admit that your relationship is not offering you the same support and contentment that it once was.

2) You’re travelling on different paths.

Sometimes, you can start a relationship in one place. But as you grow, you can change mindsets. Long-term relationships can be amazing as you can grow and change with your partner, but sometimes you can grow and change at a different rate to your partner. If you’re moving in different directions to your partner, it can be difficult to navigate a relationship. Also, if you’re in a different place emotionally, you might not want the same things. In this case, it’s best for both of you to separate amicably. It’s a good thing to discuss what each of you wants from a relationship if you’re going to be serious about a partner.

3) Lack of support

In a relationship, support is key. You want to feel that your partner believes in what you’re doing and is behind you 100%. But if that support isn’t there, you can start to feel let down and unfulfilled. Emotional support is also really important. If you’re not feeling that in your relationship, it can be damaging and can affect your happiness. If you don’t feel like your partner is invested in you and is behind you all the way, then it might be time to consider having a conversation about your relationship with your partner.

4) Abuse of any sort

By this, I mean emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and so on. If your partner has abused you in any way, then that is a clear sign you should, at least, consider leaving. Abuse is very damaging, and the abuser can often try and convince you to stay in the relationship. If this is the case, you should leave for your own safety. It can be very difficult to leave a relationship like that, but there are hotlines available to contact should you need to. Here is the link to a document with the number of any hotlines should you feel you need to use them. Remember, you’re not alone in this.

5) Lack of trust

The foundation of all relationships should be trust. The trust between you and your partner should be strong. If it isn’t, that could mean you doubt their actions. As a result, this could possibly lead to jealousy. If you don’t trust your partner, you could work on it and try to rebuild it. Losing trust is often a sign that something is wrong within your relationship, and you’ll need to address it. However, if you’re past the rebuilding phase (maybe your partner betrayed your trust too many times), ending the relationship could be a possibility. There is no shame admitting you can’t be with someone you don’t fully trust. It’s all about what makes you happy.

https://psych2go.net/5-signs-that-tell-you-when-its-time-to-leave-a-relationship/

A Guide to Getting Through the Emotions and Pain of Divorce. By Nora Boghossian

As you deal with the emotions and pain of divorce, there are actions you can take to address these feelings and begin the healing process.

The end of a relationship brings forth a multitude of raw, shaky emotions, feelings, pain, and when not addressed it turns into suffering.

We may be triggered by words, sights, sounds when we don’t do the work to release the emotions and pain of divorce fully.

A period of grievance is necessary to fully digest a divorce. Just as we would for any other passing, loss, end. So, too, is the process required to go through during the end of a relationship – divorce, separation, or the end of a committed relationship – in order to be in clarity and reconnect with ourselves again, in order to choose love again and to keep moving on our forward path.

It helps to know that we each have a path to walk on and through, that each of our path is full of lessons. The lessons come in all forms and experiences on all levels – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

When our inward and outward is one, then we are in alignment, centered, grounded vertically, and what happens externally in our horizontal realm does not easily shake us out of our path. Yes we may still be challenged because we are human after all, but we don’t get sucked into so far deep so quickly that we can’t come to the light again. We will be able to rise again. Each time we fall, we will know how to stand again.

Acknowledge and Address Feelings Related to Divorce

So we need to work on ourselves on a deeper level. What does that mean? What does that look like?  Acknowledgement that something is off is key. So when we are aware, it is imperative that we honor that awareness.  The acknowledgment process allows us to address any and all of the feelings and pain of divorce.

The feelings to address may be anger, shock, guilt, sadness, doubt, loneliness, shame, feeling unlovable, lost, unworthy, insecure, loss of trust, disappointment, feeling like we’re not enough, and/or feeling like we’re a failure. These are all stemmed from our fears, conditionings, lack of self-love, lack of self-trust, as well as having dishonored ourselves, our truth, and self-compromise where the commitment to ourselves has been compromised.

One of the fears is that our identity as we had known it has fallen apart, or is no longer. So our mind doesn’t know its function anymore. So we don’t know what to do. This impacts us emotionally and mentally, which then impacts us physically. We feel like we don’t know who we are anymore. In truth, we have forgotten who we are. We forget that we are greater than our experiences such as a divorce. We attach who we are to our human experience instead of who we are at our core. Love. Light. Grace. We have forgotten that we are a Miracle, Blessing, and a Gift, that we have unique gifts to create, collaborate, and share. So having attached ourselves to the form of our external relationship, we feel lost once it ends. We don’t know what to do and what not to do. Constantly judging ourselves. The dialogue is on in our head. We fall into despair, downward spiraling, and the questions begin to swirl.

• What’s wrong with me?
• Why me?
• Why now?
• Why is this happening to me?
• Am I not good enough?
• How am I going to get over this?
• When is this going to end?
• Am I ever going to be OK again?
• Am I ever going to have my life back again?
• Could I have done more?
• Am I ever going to be in a relationship again?

It’s OK to have these thoughts. It’s part of being human.

Free Write Responses to Bring Yourself Clarity

In order to address these questions, one of the many exercises to practice is to free write your responses. This is a way to release what’s in you. Give yourself the sacred space answering these questions without editing, without holding back, without judgment. This helps you get the feelings out. Then you will become present and clarity will rise again. Repetition of this practice as many times as you need it is what carries you to clarity.

Practice Doing Nothing

As you process out the feelings, as they come up, it’s also important to practice doing nothing. This means sitting quietly with your eyes closed so that you may tune out the external more fully and tune into the energy inside of you. Practice being Silent. Breathing. Taking deep breaths. Silence brings forth wisdom, and wisdom unravels clarity. That’s the nature of wisdom. Silence is the frequency from which wisdom is birthed. Wisdom requires us to be quiet and pay attention in order for it to speak to us, and in order for us to hear it well, to tune in, and listen. When we do hear the words of wisdom come through, what comes next is Trusting. Trust is huge. We need to trust what comes through. To trust to the point to which we then begin to take steps towards that trust, that wisdom that’s been delivered to us.

Awareness Is Key

When we take one step, the next step is revealed to us in divine timing. Awareness is key here. When we are aware, our ears are in tune with our soul so we have a deep innate intelligence that’s awake and alert to guide us. As each step is revealed to us, we will acknowledge it. We are in a state of being connected and interconnected. There’s a circling of energy flowing with the higher consciousness.

What happens too with acknowledgement is that we are giving ourselves permission to feel all the gradients of our feelings. We are giving attention to each feeling, which is the beginning. To sit in the pain of divorce and to face it. The work of processing it all through us starts. Since this is deep and intense work, it is important to create a sacred, safe, private space wherein you can dive deep into all the range of emotions freely in a clear and open space, in order to bring them all to completion. So by creating this sanctuary we are able to allow ourselves to be in it, feel it, then we will be ready to release it, to clear it in order to heal it.

Face the Pain of Divorce

So again, in order to get to and be in freedom, first we need to acknowledge our pain. We need to clear our pain in order to heal our pain. We do that by sitting in our pain. Ride it out. Feel it through. Express it out. Giving it the time, space, and attention it needs.

The only way to flush out the feelings that do not serve us, the pain that is keeping us stuck, is to face it and give it the moment, the attention, the acknowledgment that is needed in order to work with it, process it through and out of us.

Otherwise, we leak it everywhere and on everyone since we are holding on to it, carrying it with us throughout our day, day in and day out. We carry the weight of all those feelings, pains, and when avoided and suppressed long enough, they turn to sufferings. The more you hold on to them, the harder it’s going to get to let them go. But with work, it is possible to release them.

This unnecessary hold, this grip will wear us out on all levels. It causes fatigue, aches, and pains on all levels – emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual too. The more you hold onto them, the harder it’s going to get to let them go. But it is possible.

So don’t be surprised, for example, when you wake up tired even though you slept. Sometimes the pain overlaps into our subconscious mind and we experience the pain while we are asleep. That is how we may have dreams of discomfort, sadness, pain, etc. The same feelings we have during our awake life. So, when we have incomplete unsettled feelings and pains we are facing in our wake hours, those remain within us as we go to sleep. So you wake up feeling the impact of it.

As we work on ourselves, we begin to dissolve and lighten ourselves from the feelings and pains energetically and mentally, physically, and spiritually. We begin to rise and reconnect with our higher self, our higher consciousness, and we begin to live from our higher potential.

It’s a matter of being aware of who we are – love and beyond our physical form – on all levels.

As we evolve and grow, new sets of challenges may arise for us to face and overcome. So, it’s an ongoing process. As you may know, the Universe is not concerned with our comfort zone. It works in such a way so that we are learning, growing, evolving, and transforming eternally.

A Different Way of Looking at Yourself and Relationships Will Come

With work, commitment, consistency, compassion and courage, a new and different perspective, a different way of looking at ourselves, at relationships, and at divorce and end of your relationships comes about.

This is what I have learned and I feel the calling to serve you with what I’ve learned, evolved, and transformed in my life too.

I was divorced. I had those feelings. I had those labels. I had those questions. And with the work, commitment, and consistently showing up for myself, I have a new outlook on myself, on my divorce, and end of relationships. So I want to offer the same for you. The two services that I have are a support group only for women on a monthly basis and private one-on-one sessions. When someone is interested in the private sessions, we have a conversation about it in more details.

Commitment: The Most Important Factor to Transform Yourself

The most important factor to transforming ourselves and getting through a divorce, or an end of relationship, is our commitment to ourselves, the consistency to keep committing and recommitting to ourselves, to keep showing up for ourselves. Not just for the sessions but in life itself. Once you have completed your sessions, you will integrate into your life all the wisdom and tools you come away with. This, too, is a process.

The work we are doing is finally giving our pain the attention it has needed in order for it all to clear out of us with respect to the divorce, separation, or end of a committed relationship, so that you may get to heal and recover, reconnect, rejoice, and be free and light again.

What stands in our way of our new possibility is really our own mind, false beliefs, and our limiting ways and what we see ourselves as, our limitations, our identity of who we think we are, our grip and hold on our identity. Our feelings and our collapsing into it over and over again is the vicious cycle, because we haven’t brought them to completion. So that pattern repeats, until we do bring them to completion.

We may feel like our feelings are who we are, but our feelings are just feelings and they pass. They are not who we are.

It may feel that way when you’re in it, living it, breathing it, the pain of it all, and doing so over and over again, cycling back to them again, or being triggered back to them again. And that’s what happens when we don’t clear out what’s there.

So what happens too is when we’re carrying those feelings unresolved we end up manifesting a relationship, a man, or a partner who reflects those unhealed wounds, which are within us and we are faced with them. So they become our lessons.

Be the Queen of Your Life

In order to invoke the King into our life, we have to be the Queen of our life. In order to do that, we have to be able to remove all the blocks within us, all the barriers which keep the man who is a King at bay. We also need to embody the Queen to invoke a king. That means once we’ve cleared our pains, sufferings, and we have healed our wounds, etc., we begin showing up in our own life fully by being and creating all that brings joy into our lives. We have to continue to give attention to our body, mind, and spirit in the way of self-care, and do do so even when we are not in a relationship. To look and feel our best, even when nobody is watching so to speak. To do so for us. Because that tells the universe I’m working on myself. I’m preparing. I’m getting ready. I’m open. I’m available for a relationship again. I am fully connected to the love that I am, again. And we know that – we are ready. We exude a magnetic energy as we practice being in our feminine light.

We practice acceptance, freedom, liberation, rejoicing, and reconnecting to the core and essence of who are – love, light, joy, blessing, and miracle.

The moment we decide we are going to work on ourselves, to get to our clarity, and to reconnect with our highest self again, to choose love again, up comes our fear, resistance, our stories, conditionings, patterns, and issues. It is important to know that this forwarding of our fear is part of the process. It is part of being human. It is our protective mechanism that’s been conditioned over the years. The challenge is to keep on. To commit and recommit to working through all the versions of our emotions and labels of our fears. No matter what shape or form it takes. WE have to keep committing and recommitting to ourselves, so that we are being and living our highest potential.

https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/getting-through-emotions-pain-of-divorce/

Are You Codependent? Here are 11 Key Symptoms to Look For and How To Recover

Amy Schumer on Her Abusive Ex: "I Was Afraid for My Life" | SuperSoul Conversations | OWN

How being heartbroken was the best thing to ever happen to me: Emma Gibbs at TEDxSouthBankWomen

How to break up and move on

What am I up against?

It’s hard to let go of a relationship after investing so much of yourself into it. Very often you still feel connected to them, and it can even feel a bit like they are still a part of you in some way. So seeing your ex with someone else can sometimes feel incredibly painful.

How do I deal with it?

If they ended it

If you’re still emotionally attached when the relationship ends, you may find it hard to feel a sense of closure. This can make it really difficult to form new, quality relationships (Wilson, 2008). Understanding why the relationship ended and why it didn’t work out can help you let go of lingering feelings.

In the first instance, try asking your ex why they ended it. Allow them to speak and resist the temptation to defend yourself. Keep it light and explain from the outset that all you want from the conversation is closure. Ex-partners may feel that you want to meet as part of a ploy to reignite the relationship, so set it squarely and maybe ask to meet in a public place like a coffee shop to make your intentions clear.

Focus on the idea of a positive future relationship

One way to let go of an emotional attachment to an ex-partner is to focus on new relationship options. This doesn’t have to mean starting a new relationship – research suggests that just having a positive outlook on potential future relationships can help with reducing the attachment to previous partners.

Timing is quite crucial here; moving on before you gain closure could mean that your emotions are out of kilter. Sometimes after a relationship, you need a little time to rediscover your own identity.  If you aren’t yet happy in yourself, you may struggle to form a new partnership. However, if the time is right for you, considering potential romantic opportunities might be what you need to move on. One Canadian study found that “focussing on specific new relationship options can decrease attachment to an ex-partner for anxiously attached individuals” (Spielmann, MacDonald, & Wilson, 2009).

Take a break from online social networks

Before you can cope with the idea of your partner with someone else, you’re probably going to need a bit of time. If you can avoid seeing them in the meantime, then that’s going to serve you well. However, if your Facebook page and other social networks are going to keep shoving it in your face, then the temptation to scroll through your ex’s photos might prove too great. It may be worth blocking them for a while, or even taking a break from social networks for a few weeks. You can always reactivate your account once you feel ready.

https://click.clickrelationships.org/content/breakups/how-to-break-up-and-move-on/

Women Getting Over A Marriage Break Up - Tips To Moving On. By Suzy Weiss

Women getting over a marriage break up is never easy. Maybe once in your life you thought you have found the right person to grow old with. You marry each other, and you live a good life together for a few months or years. Then unexpected things will happen. You try counseling to make things work. Yet you still can't fix the issues within the marriage. The only solution you could think about is parting ways.

If it's a separation for two people who once loved each other dearly, it's an emotional turmoil. As they say, not all relationships are meant to last. At some point, you have to let go of the marriage, especially when things don't work anymore. Forcing a relationship to work out can sometimes do more harm than good. If you just came from a marriage breakup, the following steps could help you in moving on after divorce or splitting up.

1. Acknowledge that both you and your spouse had a problem. Now is the best time to process everything. There is no shortcut in forgetting someone. There is no easy way to move on after your marriage is over. Accept the fact that both you and your ex-husband contributed to the demise of your marriage. A relationship involves two people. Don't blame it all to yourself and don't point your finger to anybody else.

2. Cry your heart out. Keeping all your anger, heartache and other emotions bottled up will do you no good. You need to let them loose. If you feel the need to cry, then do so. Don't ever think that you should not cry over your ex-husband. Crying may not solve anything, however, it can make you feel better. This is an excellent tip in Women getting over a marriage break up.

3. Admit to yourself that you two have split up for good. You need to wake up to the reality that you can no longer turn back time. Your relationship has come to an end. Deal with it and try to move on. Living in the past would only keep you from recovering from a marriage break up.

4. Ask your family members for support. Your family are the ones you can turn to during these difficult times. They can provide encouragement for you to be able to get over a divorce. You also need to spend more time with yourself. Now that you are single again, start focusing on yourself more.

5. Talk to your friends about what happened. Spill out all your emotional pains you have been harboring with your friends. You need someone who would listen and sympathize with you. Your friends can also help cheer you up. Hang out with them more, and enjoy your newfound single status.

6. Take up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to play golf or tennis, but was unable to when you were married? Well, now is the perfect time to learn the sport. Engage yourself in a new hobby. Try new things that would keep yourself preoccupied. Go to places you like or have always been dreaming of visiting. Simply enjoy your new life as a single woman.

7. Don't give up on love. Women getting over a marriage break up may take you more time before you start dating again. You need to heal first before you go out there and meet new guys. But be sure that you don't hate love or relationships because your marriage did not work out. The right guy is just out there waiting for you.

https://articlebliss.com/Article/647838/Women-Getting-Over-A-Marriage-Break-Up-Tips-To-Moving-On.html

Starting Over After Heartbreak

4 Ways To Deal With Divorce When You Still Love Him. BY JOHN BUTLER

In my divorce mediation practice, I often work with couples where one party is still, deeply in love with the spouse who wants a divorce. In this article, we’ll focus on advice for wives who find themselves in this painful situation. To be honest, I’ve found it’s just as often true that it’s the wife who wants to end the marriage and the husband who is still in love. In any event, these are heart-wrenching divorce cases and over the years I have given this topic a lot of thought. Here are four tips:

Here are four tips for dealing with divorce when you still love him.

1. Do not retaliate or act out

The momentary urge to “get even” or act on hurt feelings can be difficult to resist. Taking action in the midst of hurt or anger may be satisfying and feel good in the moment, but be aware that acting on this urge will have consequences.  In one of my early cases, I observed the consequences of a young wife and mother who acted on those feelings when she was angry at her husband whom she deeply loved. During a marital argument, he moved out and demanded a divorce.  In the midst of their argument, he had made a caustic comment about her haggard appearance and post-pregnancy weight retention. The comment was understandably deeply hurtful to her. Reacting to the pain of his callous remark and his decision to move out, she retaliated. She had a short fling with one of her husband’s close friends.  A few weeks later the couple patched things up and he moved back home with his wife and their two young children.  A few weeks later she discovered that she was pregnant (…the pregnancy was not the result of make-up sex with her husband).

They stayed together for a few more years rationalizing that since he was the one who had left, he really shouldn’t complain about her behavior during the breakup.  Meanwhile, the husband’s former good friend was paying child support every month and had visitation with the baby. As you can guess, this arrangement just kept reminding the husband of his wife’s retaliation; eventually, the marriage failed.

So my best advice is to avoid taking any action which will harm the man you love or the marriage you say you want. Examples of what NOT to do may seem to fit a stereotype. Even so, I’ve found them to be very common in cases where the husband seeks divorce and the wife is still in love, but hurt and angry. (Could this same advice be given to husbands who still love their wife who’s asking for a divorce? You bet.)

 Here is a partial list:

• Don’t bad-mouth him to your girlfriends or your parents. If you need to process your feelings, find a therapist or support group.
• Don’t buy things for yourself which you have wanted but cannot readily afford. Divorce often centers on money issues. Racking up credit card debt or draining a bank account on an impulse purchase usually brings more grief than joy in the long run.
• Don’t act out by damaging his car, destroying his tools or lashing out in any way. If you want to physically express your anger, take a brisk walk or enroll in a martial arts class. (Don’t even think about anything which would end up as a YouTube video!).

I do not mean to promise that he will come back to you, but I can attest that you make it a lot harder if you retaliate or act out when he delivers the news that he wants to leave.

2. Try not to escalate

If while still married you and your husband are fighting and he threatens divorce it is imperative that you remain as calm as you can. Yes, he may truly want a divorce and be committed to that path. However, it’s also possible that while he may have said that what he wants is a divorce, what he may truly want is to stop fighting with you. Divorce may seem like the way to get the fighting to stop. He may also be yearning for the dynamic that existed in the early years of your relationship but not know how to reclaim it. When arguments escalate it’s common for one or both parties to say things in anger they later regret.

Of course, when the prospect of an unwanted divorce raises its head, it is wise to protect yourself and look out for your own interests, even if you still love him and would prefer to stay married. Depending on the circumstances, hiring an attorney at this stage may seem to be the best course of action. Just keep in mind that hiring an overly aggressive lawyer may preclude a smaller step like one-on-one mediation. Being a divorce mediator, I may be biased, but I’ve seen mediation work wonders in these situations.

Remember that divorce attorneys make their money by litigating divorces. Mediators thrive by creating harmony through mutual effort to resolve conflict. Many men have told me they find divorce mediation far more satisfying than marriage counseling because it is focused on problem-solving, (often their strong suit) rather than therapy which is focused on exploring feelings (often their weak suit).

If you need legal perspective, talk with a mediator with legal experience or call a lawyer from a town far away just to get some general advice. If you still love your husband and the marriage still has a chance of survival, jumping into litigation is highly unlikely to yield the results you seek.

3. Consider whether addiction is a factor and if so, get help.

One of the frequent coping mechanisms of couples going through the hard times prior to a divorce is to escape the pain of their lost romantic feelings using addictive behaviors. If your husband has shown any signs of addiction, then it is likely that you have reacted with your own counter measures. Sometimes they are co-dependent behaviors like nagging, trying to shame him into good behavior, lying to cover up problems and so forth.

Whatever the details, when a couple is in this addictive cycle the marriage has almost no chance to thrive unless the addictions are addressed. If you have addiction anywhere in your marriage, then start with an honest assessment of your own reactions. If he has a problem behavior, and you still love him, there are proven ways to maintain your dignity and sanity in the relationship. Try Alanon or another 12–step program geared to support the friends and family of someone with an addiction problem.

4. Explore Your Deepest Truth

The hard truth is that I have seen cases where there are wives who love their husbands and there are other cases where the wives are attached to being married but seem to be indifferent toward their husband as a person. These might seem the same, but there is a world of difference.

Explore your deepest motivations about your relationship and your marriage because at some level your husband can probably tell how you really feel about him. If you are clinging to the idea that you love him but actually, deep down, you are insecure about not being married, that will tend to energetically push him away. On the other hand, if you truly love him and that is the priority in your heart and soul, then living in accord with those emotions may have the effect of drawing him toward you.

What might this look like? Every relationship has its own qualities and dynamics; there are as many ways to put this advice into motion as there are couples. It takes some self-examination and wisdom to know what is a kindness you can genuinely offer without feeling like you are being taken advantage of or becoming a doormat. Healthy boundaries vary from individual to individual and relationship to relationship. This is definitely not a case of one-size-fits-all.

Here are a few approaches I’ve seen succeed in drawing a couple back toward each other rather than driving them further apart:

• If you have children, and abuse is not a concern, consider allowing as much access as possible during the first phase of your separation. Show him that you value his role in their lives as a father even if he wasn’t the greatest dad before the divorce started. Invite him to visit with the kids in the home and be gracious when he shows up. Preparing extra food for dinner so he can eat with the kids is an act of kindness which he will notice and may appreciate. If the children are engaged in after-school sports, be sure to give him notice of all the games and ask him to sit next to you when he attends. Make an extra effort to include him in family gatherings and celebrations.
• If he has moved out, you might provide him with a generous share of the linens and silverware, maybe even spare furniture so that he does not need to go buy replacements. Consider letting him store his big-ticket items in the garage rather than force him to move them to a storage locker.

It may be counter-intuitive but sometimes making it easy for him to leave, makes it easier for him to come back.  At the same time, only you can determine what crosses the line into unhealthy co-dependence and being overly generous for the situation.

Conclusion

Every case is different because every couple is different. If you still love your husband and he says he wants a divorce, you will have many opportunities to choose how you show up when whatever happens next unfolds. Over the course of my mediation practice, I’ve witnessed couples move toward reconciliation after one or the other, or both, initially thought divorce was inevitable. Of course, many couples do complete the divorce process, even when one of them really wants to stay married.

Either way, these four principles help provide the best chance of moving forward with a positive outcome. 1) Don’t retaliate, 2) try not to escalate, 3) if addiction is a factor, get help and 4) explore your deepest truth.

https://divorcedmoms.com/4-ways-to-deal-with-divorce-when-you-still-love-him/

Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel

5 Signs It's Time To Uncouple. By Jay Williams

The decision to end a relationship and file for divorce is an exceptionally difficult one. Procrastination, indecision, anxiety, panic, anger, uncertainty; all of these and more will be felt whilst considering whether you should stay or walk away. With the end of a marriage or long-term relationship undoubtedly always bringing about major changes, this is entirely understandable and, in my opinion, unavoidable.

That said, the severity of the negative emotions that you feel can be controlled to some extent. I’ve always found that clients who are able to rationalise their decisions have been those best placed to limit the extent to which negative feelings actually affect them. For this reason, rationalising your decision to end your relationship beforehand always make the task itself, the feelings that follow and any resulting changes to your lifestyle far more tolerable. In order to help you with this here are what I believe to be the top five signs that it’s time for a divorce:

1.       You’re both indifferent

It’s widely assumed that arguments between couples are detrimental to their relationship. Whilst this is true to an extent (constant bickering and disagreement are bound to wear people down after all), they can also be positive.

When people openly discuss things that are making them feel dissatisfied, they’re also trying to resolve things and improve the situation. Even when this leads to confrontation, it has the potential to be beneficial and shows that the parties care enough to try and work things out. When they therefore shut down and simply bottle up their dissatisfaction, they’ve already given up on the relationship.

So, if you or your partner no longer care enough to argue, it’s time to walk away.

2.       There’s resentment

If either spouse has come to resent the other, there’s no hope of the relationship being a happy one ever again.

When one person blames the other for something like a missed opportunity brought about by, for example, sacrifices they’ve made for their spouse, there’s no coming back. If you feel this way about your spouse, it’s time to call it a day.

3.       The love’s gone

Most couples that file for divorce ultimately do so because they and their spouse have fallen out of love with one another and with good reason. Love, after all, is the bedrock upon which the foundation of any marriage is built. Without it, the whole thing starts to crumble.

If you no longer love your spouse or vice versa, you can still maintain a friendship (this’ll be particularly beneficial if you’ve had children together) but there’s little point trying to hold the marriage together.

4.       Their behaviour doesn’t change

Every couple encounters problems. Sometimes, it’s because one spouse behaves in a way that’s exceptionally selfish or inconsiderate. At other times, this behaviour is ongoing for a prolonged period, but the offending spouse makes a concerted effort to change and does so. When these circumstances apply, the affected couple can go on to enjoy a happy marriage. If the offending party does not change their behaviour, however, their spouse is simply never going to be happy with their marriage.

To put it another way, if you’ve persistently informed your spouse that you’re unhappy with their behaviour only for it to persist, you really should consider ending your marriage.

5.       You see no other option

Sometimes, couples are so determined to save their marriages that they try everything they can think of –  from marriage counselling to prolonged periods of time apart – to no avail. Trust me, if you can genuinely say you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy, it’s time to separate, start a new chapter in your life and find contentment.

Author bio:

Jay Williams works as a case manager at Quickie Divorce, one of the largest providers of uncontested divorce solutions in England and Wales. 

Successful Parenting After Separation By: Jonathan Brown

Separation is a challenging time for many parents because it is an adjustment to a new way of life. There are both positive and negative factors to separation and the corresponding changes, but one of the issues that can arise is the differences that parents may have in the ways that they parent the children. The key point or focus that parents need to address is that they must put the best interests of the children first, and that their role is to continue to be the best possible parents to their children, even though they no longer live in the same home.

In order to put the interests of the children first parents that are separated need to consider the following issues, and determine how they can accomplish the goal of putting their kids first and provide love, safety and security for their children.

Communication

Maintaining the lines of communication is critical to continue successfully parenting the children. Many incorrect assumptions are made that the other parent is aware of scheduling changes, school events, outings or other issues affecting the child. Often parents expect children to be the messengers between them, and this is a very difficult and emotionally harmful role for you child to have to play. Parents should discuss and determine a method that will allow them to continue to communicate about the children and to work together to make decisions in the best interests of the kids. This communication may be done by fax, email, voicemail, phone calls or
face-to-face meetings, depending on the level of comfort or conflict.

Flexibility

No matter how carefully you plan or schedule your life there are always things that come up out of your control. As parents it is important to realize that this can happen for you, your ex-spouse and your children. Try to be as flexible as possible and allow the other parent and the children to have time together whenever possible.

Joint decision making

If you are able to communicate as coparents it is important to keep in mind that joint decision-making is usually in the best interests of the children. For difficult or major decisions it is helpful to get the other parent's input and opinion to prevent further conflict down the line. Most parents want to be a part of their children's lives even if they don't live in the same home as the children, and using a joint decision making process helps them stay connected to the children and helps to provide a sense of security for the children.

Stay positive about the other parent

It is important to allow the children to have the most positive relationship that they possibly can with both of their parents. The more positive, respectful and civil that Mom and Dad can stay with each other the more comfortable, secure and stable the children will view their new lives. Children need to understand that separated parents are still Mom and Dad, and will still continue to be a part of their lives, even thought they live in different homes or even in different communities.

Keep explanations to children as simple as possible, and avoid any negative comments about the other parent. As separated parents stay flexible, communicate openly about the children and allow maximum contact between your children and the other parent

http://www.articlegeek.com/home/parenting_articles/parenting-after-separation.htm

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How to Stop Crying After Divorce by Steve Gerente

Ending a relationship is difficult, particularly if you have promised to be with each other forever, but separation can sometimes be a blessing. It's okay to shed tears for sometime, but you have to put yourself back in sync and move on. 

Divorce is not the last part of your life, it's just the end of a relationship. While, that would seem so casual, but you may have other stuff that you need to concentrate on, rather than your marriage. If you have kids, this would be a great time to begin focusing on them more. 

Go to the movies, visit the mall, just make yourself occupied with your offspring in order that you will be able to concentrate on something worth your time. Hundreds of folks have passed through divorce, therefore you are not the only one. 

Why should you cry anyway? It's not your fault that it didn't work, you two most likely were just at two dissimilar places in life. It's not because of you personally. There are a lot of things that you have to concentrate on that you may become overwhelmed. However, that's okay, it's a natural reaction. But instead of going in a depression, you must to focus on what's happening. You need to start the process.

The initial process to separating possibly will be therapy. You might need to be off on your own or you can go with your mate. Although it may seem very late for counseling, it will aid you two to be terrific parents. If you will be able to pass though all the issues, all the anger, and you can realize each other's emotions, it follows that you can retain a fantastic relationship after the marriage. 

You may want to go on your own at first. In this way you can get all of your emotions out and you can let go some of the anger and some of the hurt. Counseling is a wonderful beginning because you can find yourself once more after that you can discover things that will aid you to move on. 

There are a lot of questions that you may feel unanswered. Discern that, this was an act of destiny. It may possibly be the result of his actions, your actions, or both. Therefore, do not consider yourself as the problem. Fate was the problem. There are certain facets of the universe that pull people as one and then away from each other, much like a magnet.

If you think about it in terms of fate, you will discover strength, and you will as well attain the courage to keep going. This is just a section in the numerous books of your life. Don't be bothered because there shall be love following divorce and there will be other thrilling chapters of your life yet to be read, therefore it's okay to let go. You by no means be aware of what you may find after this whole thing blows over. 

It possibly will take weeks or months to draw closer to the fact, but you take as much time as you have to. To finish the tears, to end the hurt, you need to find other stuff that will make you in high spirits then just perform it. If you get comfort in associates, be there with them as much as probable. If you have offspring, it goes the same. If you would actually like to stop the crying, you will get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed up, and go to banquet, with friends, or family, or even by yourself. Getting up and looking like a hundred bucks will begin the process of letting go

Whenever you feel lonely or blue, reach out to someone that you love and support you and talk. Talking will help everything. Share your feelings, and whatever you do, do not separate yourself. You should be with people who love you during this moment of need.

http://www.a1articles.com/how-to-stop-crying-after-divorce-2424958.html

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The Difficulties Of Life After An Amicable Divorce by Toby Hazlewood

I feel the need to start with a grateful acknowledgement for the circumstances and many blessings of my post-divorce life. For 12 or so years since parting from my first wife, mother of my two daughters I’ve had it pretty easy.

With a mutual commitment to giving our girls the best upbringing possible in spite of our relationship with each other falling apart, we’ve co-parented them equally for nearly 11 years. We’ve had some disagreements over that time; we are a divorced couple after all. Fundamentally though, we’re amicable, fair and respectful towards each other.

From the days when the wounds of parting were raw, through to both being happily remarried, we’ve been resolutely committed to giving our daughters a happy and loving childhood. We’ve weathered the phases of childhood and dealt with the hormonal outbursts of puberty. Through it all, we’ve done the best we could to raise them jointly, apart. We now have an arrangement known as bird-nesting where the girls remain in one home and their mum and I come and go as live-in parent of the week.

When I contrast this to the lives of other divorced and separated families, I realise I have it easy. I’ve observed the mothers who withhold custody from the father, driven by retribution and anger. I’ve witnessed the fathers whose apathy and disinterest in their kids is dwarfed only by their own self-serving pride. Most upsetting, I’ve seen the effects on kids who exist in-between two warring parents. They’re forced to grapple with the ludicrous behaviour of their supposed role-models, wearing bravely-stoic faces and appeasing their parents’ consciences by pretending it’s all okay.

It’s angering, baffling and saddening.

All that said, it feels self-indulgent to even contemplate the difficulties presented by living out my own amicable divorce but I’m going to share these anyway. We all face challenges, it’s just that mine are different from others’.

I spend most of my life apart from someone that I love – If it’s my week with the girls, I’m apart from my wife and step-kids. If I’m with my wife, I’m generally apart from my daughters. Wherever I am, I try and immerse myself fully in that role and place, but it’s hard to always be apart from a subset of those you love.

Maybe the separated life that I’ve lived for so long will better prepare me for when the kids leave home? I doubt it somehow. Even before I had a new relationship, when my weeks with the girls were punctuated by weeks on my own, I’d be yearning to see them again by the end of my free week. These days, the yearning to see them is compounded by impending absence from my wife.

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It attracts criticism from those who don’t understand the setup – For as long as I can remember, there have been critics of our arrangement. When the girls were young (we first started co-parenting when the youngest was three) there were those who’d state that toddlers needed their mother more than their father. Throughout post-divorce life there have been those who say my ex and I are selfishly pursuing our own lives at the expense of stability and happiness of our kids. We have well-practiced responses to these and many other accusations but it matters little.

Like anything unusual, there will be those who are vocal in their criticism and strident in their opinion. I stand by my choices but like any parent I’m just doing my best and it undermines confidence when others freely express judgment when we’re just trying to make the best of our situation.

I still tackle many of the challenges of parenting alone, that a non-separated couple would face together – Our new partners are both active and supportive regarding the kids. In spite of this, my ex and I still have to handle many of the challenges of parenting alone, by virtue of our custody arrangement. For the majority of the girls’ lives, they’ve existed in a home with just one parent and their sibling, even since we each remarried. We’ve both called upon support with parental challenges at times, often from each other. Generally though, we’re each isolated as single parents dealing with the day-to-day whims of two teenage girls.

This is of course the reality for most separated families, but it’s one area of life that hasn’t eased significantly in spite of each of us remarrying. We each remain largely isolated when we’re parent of the week.

We’re heavily reliant on the goodwill and acceptance of our new partners – Part of my online dating profile when I was single explained the intricacies of my parenting life. It specified that this would need to be accepted as part of me and my life. My ex has similarly always been up front over the commitment she has to our kids. That this was stated up-front doesn’t make it easy for our new partners to accept spending upwards of 50% of their time away from us at the expense of the kids.

The close proximity of our lives in our current ‘bird-nesting’ arrangement has also placed a burden upon our new partners adapting to and accepting this unusually close relationship between me and my ex. It’s testament to them that they’re supportive and understanding.

Taken as a whole, I embrace the ‘challenges’ of my life over many of those faced by divorced parents. I feel lucky, but also proud to have created a child-centric means of raising my kids after divorce.

The feelings of gratitude are occasionally tempered by the hardships I face, particularly on a ‘changeover Monday’. When I’ve just kissed my wife goodbye for another week, as I head to the kids’ home to live in as parent of the week I often feel sad. I’m excited to see the kids of course, but the emotions accompanying the changeover never seem to ease, no matter which direction I’m moving.

I don’t expect they ever will.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/the-difficulties-of-life-after-an-amicable-divorce_uk_5afaa537e4b0b61057a3bc47?utm_hp_ref=uk-dating-and-relationships

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