In
the last few years, we have been through relationship breakups of our own. We became ‘Uncoupled’. Even
though we were the ones who ended our relationships, we discovered that this by
no means makes it an easy experience. And harder for the one who was left, with
the news often coming as a shock and no time to mentally prepare.
Although
it took us both a very long time to make our decisions, and thus we were
mentally ready to a degree, we sometimes felt isolated during the undecided and
unsettling phase while we were still in the relationship and through the
reality of the aftermath. Family and friends could only provide advice to a
point; after all, they are not best placed to provide unbiased, objective
advice. And let’s face it, if friends haven’t been through it, they don’t
always get it (sorry friends!). In fact, I never told my family and most of my
friends until several months after the split had happened as I feared the
reactions could be too overwhelming. I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable
uncomfortable questions and constant enquiries as to my wellbeing that would
ensue.
Once
the decision was made, and after having the inevitable ‘it’s over’
conversations, (with ex and then with children), the sense of relief was huge.
We were very lucky as we found each other during that time which helped
us through the emotional fallout.
Ironically, it is what brought us together as friends. It is true that
for every ending there’s a new beginning...
There
was so much to think about, not least to try to make the home situation and
arrangements as stable as possible for the kids. Not to mention trying to
start over again as a newly separated parent, with new routines, and spending
time alone again for the first time in 20+ years during child free days.
Not wanting to remain single, I also knew the inevitable dating scene
beckoned too. And dating?! OMG…
We
both trawled the internet for help and ideas for newly separated women and
found that we were more or less unsupported and alone. We had both used Relate
Counselling before and during the split, but they are really there to help mend
a failing relationship rather than guide you through the uncoupling of one.
What we found was a plethora of dating sites, newspaper articles, legal firms
dealing with divorce, single parent support sites, fashion for older women or
help with the menopause! A few American sites were helpful but we wanted
something UK based. Of course, there are lots of self-help books and chatting
to a friend or co-worker on an ad hoc basis helps.
But
as busy working mums, we needed a one stop shop where where we could connect
with other women who had been through the pre, during and post-split dilemmas
we were going through. Somewhere to find advice, practical ideas,
inspiration and sometimes simply offload. But predominantly we wanted to focus
on the positives and moving on. We hear many comments such as ‘all men are the
same’ or ‘all men are b*******’, however, as many of us are raising sons, is
this really a healthy attitude? This is not a good view of men to promote
to our daughters either. Let’s not
forget that there are plenty of men who have been unfairly treated by women.
The
estimated percentage of marriages ending in divorce, (according to the Office
of National Statistics in the UK), is 42%. This doesn’t account for long-term
cohabiting couples, (of which I was one), who separate. It doesn’t seem
right that such a significant section of society seems to be neglected. We
deserve more! This is not just the end of a relationship, which is a huge life
event in itself, it is also a significant and often difficult life transition
for many of us. However, it is also a new world of opportunities and the
beginning of an exciting chapter in your life. We want to embrace the largely
forgotten group who have found themselves ‘Uncoupled’ whether they chose that
new life or not.
You are no longer alone; we have created UNCOUPLED just for YOU 😊
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