4 Reasons Not To Listen To Divorce Advice From Friends & Family

This may just be the most important article you read regarding your divorce.

Going through a divorce is hard enough. The last thing you need is to get slanted, subjective “advice” from family and friends. I get it though, how can you not listen to them?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying family and friends are intentionally trying to give you bad advice. No, not at all. I’m sure they have your best interest in mind. It just so happens that the advice they probably are giving you is bad and you should not listen to it. Take it from a divorce attorney who has seen this more times than I can count.

My clients would ALWAYS tell me some variation of the following: “My best friend’s sister went through a divorce can she got a, b, c and the dishwasher.” My response would be, “Okay, so what are you telling me? You want that, too.”

Divorce doesn’t work that way.

I describe divorce like a snowflake; no two are the same. Every divorce is different. It’s so fact sensitive that there is no way you can compare one to another.

Maybe you were married the same amount of time as someone you know who got divorced. Maybe you have the same number of children. But, that’s not how assets get divided.

There is a myriad of factors that attorneys and courts consider when discussing alimony and asset distribution. No two couples have the same assets. No two couples have the same marriage. That’s why you can’t compare one divorce to another.

Here are 4 reasons not to listen to family and friends for divorce advice:

1. They don’t know all the detail and facts about your marriage, even though they think they do.

If you’re close to your friends and family, they probably know about you and what’s going on in your life. However, I don’t care if you speak to them every day, I guarantee you they don’t know everything. They don’t know all your assets that would be subject to distribution; they don’t know all the numbers and finances. And even if you told them, they don’t know how to process that information objectively and legally so it would mean something to you.

2. They don’t know the law.

Unless your friend or family member is a practicing divorce attorney, they don’t know the            law regarding divorce. They might think they do, but they don’t know it all. Watching Divorce Court is not the same thing as being a divorce lawyer. Divorce law is         complicated and it all depends on the specific facts of your particular case. It’s not as simple as just splitting everything, taking an average, or basing child support on how many kids you have. Friends and family are not considering the nuances of your case.

3. They are not living the divorce like you are.

The only person who truly understands what your divorce feels like is you. The second closest would be your soon-to-be ex. Not your family or friends. I would compare their view to a fan watching the game from the stands. The fan can remove themselves from the game whenever they choose and maybe get a hot dog, or just leave the stadium if the game is boring. Not you and your divorce. You can’t escape it. Their advice is       coming from a different point of view, which might be good, but often it is either useless or makes things worse.  

4. They are not objective, which is the type of advice you need to rely on.

That’s why people hire attorneys. Although they are your advocate, they should be objective and advise you accordingly. A good divorce attorney acts without the emotional baggage that you are dealing with. Friends and family can’t do that. Just the nature of being your friend means they are not objective and probably are unconsciously trying to make things right for you. As a divorce attorney, I’m always straight up with my         clients; I tell them the good, bad and the ugly. The last thing you want is to be surprised when the judge decides something differently than you expected.

The Most Important Piece Of Legal Advice You Will Get:

Here it is…ready?  It will blow your mind.

Don’t listen to your friends, their friends, or your cousin’s brother’s friend.

Everybody will want to give you advice about what he or she got in his or her divorce, or better yet, what you should get in yours. Just tune it out.

You can’t compare your divorce to someone else’s. There is nothing good that can come from it. Focus on you. Seek out objective opinions and take subjective advice with a grain of salt.

Save yourself the wasted energy from engaging in conversation about other people’s divorce. Next time one of your friends or family offers advice to you on your situation, you can politely stop them from offering their advice to your situation.

If you are in the middle of a divorce, or about to start one, you have BIGGER fish to fry than to worry about another divorce, or what people are saying about yours. 

This is your life and only you will live with the consequences of the decisions you make.

https://divorcedmoms.com/4-reasons-not-to-listen-to-divorce-advice-from-friends-family/

Women Getting Over A Marriage Break Up - Tips To Moving On. By Suzy Weiss

Women getting over a marriage break up is never easy. Maybe once in your life you thought you have found the right person to grow old with. You marry each other, and you live a good life together for a few months or years. Then unexpected things will happen. You try counseling to make things work. Yet you still can't fix the issues within the marriage. The only solution you could think about is parting ways.

If it's a separation for two people who once loved each other dearly, it's an emotional turmoil. As they say, not all relationships are meant to last. At some point, you have to let go of the marriage, especially when things don't work anymore. Forcing a relationship to work out can sometimes do more harm than good. If you just came from a marriage breakup, the following steps could help you in moving on after divorce or splitting up.

1. Acknowledge that both you and your spouse had a problem. Now is the best time to process everything. There is no shortcut in forgetting someone. There is no easy way to move on after your marriage is over. Accept the fact that both you and your ex-husband contributed to the demise of your marriage. A relationship involves two people. Don't blame it all to yourself and don't point your finger to anybody else.

2. Cry your heart out. Keeping all your anger, heartache and other emotions bottled up will do you no good. You need to let them loose. If you feel the need to cry, then do so. Don't ever think that you should not cry over your ex-husband. Crying may not solve anything, however, it can make you feel better. This is an excellent tip in Women getting over a marriage break up.

3. Admit to yourself that you two have split up for good. You need to wake up to the reality that you can no longer turn back time. Your relationship has come to an end. Deal with it and try to move on. Living in the past would only keep you from recovering from a marriage break up.

4. Ask your family members for support. Your family are the ones you can turn to during these difficult times. They can provide encouragement for you to be able to get over a divorce. You also need to spend more time with yourself. Now that you are single again, start focusing on yourself more.

5. Talk to your friends about what happened. Spill out all your emotional pains you have been harboring with your friends. You need someone who would listen and sympathize with you. Your friends can also help cheer you up. Hang out with them more, and enjoy your newfound single status.

6. Take up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to play golf or tennis, but was unable to when you were married? Well, now is the perfect time to learn the sport. Engage yourself in a new hobby. Try new things that would keep yourself preoccupied. Go to places you like or have always been dreaming of visiting. Simply enjoy your new life as a single woman.

7. Don't give up on love. Women getting over a marriage break up may take you more time before you start dating again. You need to heal first before you go out there and meet new guys. But be sure that you don't hate love or relationships because your marriage did not work out. The right guy is just out there waiting for you.

https://articlebliss.com/Article/647838/Women-Getting-Over-A-Marriage-Break-Up-Tips-To-Moving-On.html

Is 'Semi-Separating' The New Divorce? by Sara Davison

You may have read my comments in the Daily Telegraph on Monday about a new way of breaking up which has been growing steadily in popularity, albeit under the radar. It's been termed "semi-separating'.

This is when a marriage is coming to an end but the couple decide not to leave the marital home and remain living together under the same roof.

It may seem a strange concept but there are many different reasons for staying in the same home after a breakup, which include:

• Uncertainty as to whether breaking up is the right decision
• Financial reasons
• The couple have children and don't want to break up the family environment
• Lifestyle choice
• Fear of change and of the unknown future apart
• The home is part of the family business and cannot be sold without damaging consequences

Often there is a slow and natural drifting apart that takes place as the relationship comes to an end. There are three stages in the semi-separating process before the final decision to divorce is made.

Stage 1: The couple take separate bedrooms. This is easily explained to the children by saying that Dad snores or Mum has to get up early to for work. It gives the couple each their own personal space which can help to alleviate tensions.

Stage 2: The couple alternate weekend child care responsibility. This means that they will each spend time alone with the kids at weekends. One parent will often be out or stay away when it's their weekend off.

Stage 3: The couple will no longer eat together in the evenings and will live separate lives during the week too.

There are some advantages to semi-separating as it can be a helpful and informative process:

• It makes a divorce easier for the kids as they become used to spending time alone with each parent and having quality time alone with each of them.
• It helps the couple get used to single parenting and often boosts confidence in their own abilities as parents.
• It allows both adults to get used to the idea and avoids rushing into divorce and having regrets.

However, there are some cases where semi-separating would not be a healthy option. For example, if the relationship is so bad that the home environment is toxic to live in. I am a big believer that divorce does not have to damage kids but it does very much depend on the parents' behaviour. If children are subjected to arguments and lots of tension there is a good case for a clean quick break.

Also, on going disagreements between the couple can damage their own potential for a healthy friendship and co-parenting relationship further down the line. Semi-separating may not be a wise option if:

• You are in an abusive relationship
• The children are exposed to a toxic environment and arguments
• Your confidence and self esteem is being eroded daily

In these cases a total separation would be a healthier option and protect both yourself and the children from any further damage.

Every breakup is different and there is not one solution that will work for every couple. Take some time to think carefully about what is best for your situation and don't be afraid to ask for advice from an expert if you need it.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sara-davison-/is-semiseparating-the-new_b_15379652.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-breakups

6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself After Divorce

You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

By Kavita Verma 

Divorce usually comes with a package of responsibilities. You have to move on emotionally, restart your life, relocate physically, and change your routines – all at once. This is a lot to handle, especially when you are filled with an ocean of emotions because of your divorce. You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

During and after divorce, some people drop back into a relationship with their ex – even if it’s only physical for one of the parties. Really people? You had all the problems in this world with your partner, and now you’re going back for more? Stop! Don’t do it! No matter how much you miss your spouse, your divorce attorney has finally received your signature on the divorce papers, and you can’t turn back the clock to a time when you were happy together.

People have different ways to cope, but whatever your coping strategy is, you must take care of yourself after divorce so you can heal and move on.

Here are 6 ideas to help you take care of yourself after divorce.

1. Don’t dwell for too long

It is, of course, difficult to come out of the past and live in the future after the relationship ends. But lingering over all those things for a length of time is not good at all. It will harm your inner peace more than any other thing. Once the situation is beyond your control, there is no need to waste your precious time thinking about what went wrong.

Talk about it to the people who you think can be of help. This is the way you will get rid of the things that are likely to pollute your inner self otherwise.

2. Realize your worth

When in a crisis, people often drag themselves down. This is not the way out of it. You do have a flaw or maybe more than one, but so has everyone. Even an embroidered cloth has a mess of threads on one of its sides, but that does not make it bad. Introspect. That way, you will come to know your uniqueness in this world.

You now have all the energy of this world, and this is the right time to start something creative, something useful. Do not let the negativities paralyze your mind. If you invest your potential in the right place and thing, chances are, you might bring a change to the society.

3. Manage your finance

Once you are all on your own, the expenditure of money has to be properly planned. If you have a child with you, make sure you save enough to have a secure future. Do not spend on all the things you like. Doing so would put you in financial distress, coming out of which is quite difficult. Seeking the help of a financial advisor here can be a better option, especially when having no idea about the same.

4. Just Let it go

If your head is filled with ‘what ifs,’ ask yourself whether you’re making anything better, or deteriorating yourself? Doing it for some time is natural, but taking it to another level is never going to help you. There is always life beyond any problem. Your, and someone else’s, mistakes help you prepare for the up and coming chapters of your life.

5. Social Media is not the solution

If you think you need to vent out your feelings, don’t ever do this on social media. It spreads much faster than a forest fire does. Instead of posting about it on social media, call a friend, or reach out to your parents. They will be the ones who are going to be your life jacket in a scenario like that.

Do not get into the stalking. This is of no help. Instead, it is hard to come out of this rabbit hole, once you have put yourself into it. Your ex knows you’re not okay, so stop posting the “Look how happy I am!” pictures. It is not going to help you in any way.

6. Forgiveness is necessary

It is tough to forgive someone for their betrayals or other misdeeds – but can be even more difficult to forgive yourself. If the divorce has happened, there was a reason for it. Even if your spouse was unfaithful, or asked for a divorce out of the blue, you played a part in the divorce: even if that was only to be willfully blind to what was staring you in the face, or to enable their bad behavior.  Forgive your ex, and forgive yourself. To do this, take a look back at your relationship without those rose-colored glasses, and figure out what part each of you played in the breakdown of your marriage. Your failures don’t make you a bad person, and the path to peace is forgiveness.

Although you might be in great distress because of your divorce, if you forgive and move on, things will eventually settle down. You will be happy again! Divorce is not fun, but you will definitely get through it. Accept the reality, take care of yourself after divorce, and start living your new post-divorce life now.

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Kavita Verma has been motivating people with her writing for more than five years now. Her educational background in the field of psychology has helped her better understand the emotional issues of the people. In her career as a psychologist, she has helped tons of people in coming out of the mental trauma.https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-after-divorce/

How to Stop Crying After Divorce by Steve Gerente

Ending a relationship is difficult, particularly if you have promised to be with each other forever, but separation can sometimes be a blessing. It's okay to shed tears for sometime, but you have to put yourself back in sync and move on. 

Divorce is not the last part of your life, it's just the end of a relationship. While, that would seem so casual, but you may have other stuff that you need to concentrate on, rather than your marriage. If you have kids, this would be a great time to begin focusing on them more. 

Go to the movies, visit the mall, just make yourself occupied with your offspring in order that you will be able to concentrate on something worth your time. Hundreds of folks have passed through divorce, therefore you are not the only one. 

Why should you cry anyway? It's not your fault that it didn't work, you two most likely were just at two dissimilar places in life. It's not because of you personally. There are a lot of things that you have to concentrate on that you may become overwhelmed. However, that's okay, it's a natural reaction. But instead of going in a depression, you must to focus on what's happening. You need to start the process.

The initial process to separating possibly will be therapy. You might need to be off on your own or you can go with your mate. Although it may seem very late for counseling, it will aid you two to be terrific parents. If you will be able to pass though all the issues, all the anger, and you can realize each other's emotions, it follows that you can retain a fantastic relationship after the marriage. 

You may want to go on your own at first. In this way you can get all of your emotions out and you can let go some of the anger and some of the hurt. Counseling is a wonderful beginning because you can find yourself once more after that you can discover things that will aid you to move on. 

There are a lot of questions that you may feel unanswered. Discern that, this was an act of destiny. It may possibly be the result of his actions, your actions, or both. Therefore, do not consider yourself as the problem. Fate was the problem. There are certain facets of the universe that pull people as one and then away from each other, much like a magnet.

If you think about it in terms of fate, you will discover strength, and you will as well attain the courage to keep going. This is just a section in the numerous books of your life. Don't be bothered because there shall be love following divorce and there will be other thrilling chapters of your life yet to be read, therefore it's okay to let go. You by no means be aware of what you may find after this whole thing blows over. 

It possibly will take weeks or months to draw closer to the fact, but you take as much time as you have to. To finish the tears, to end the hurt, you need to find other stuff that will make you in high spirits then just perform it. If you get comfort in associates, be there with them as much as probable. If you have offspring, it goes the same. If you would actually like to stop the crying, you will get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed up, and go to banquet, with friends, or family, or even by yourself. Getting up and looking like a hundred bucks will begin the process of letting go

Whenever you feel lonely or blue, reach out to someone that you love and support you and talk. Talking will help everything. Share your feelings, and whatever you do, do not separate yourself. You should be with people who love you during this moment of need.

http://www.a1articles.com/how-to-stop-crying-after-divorce-2424958.html

Dating After Divorce: Being Too Needy Is a Relationship Killer

https://divorcedmoms.com/excessive-possessiveness-dont-take-it-into-your-postdivorce-dating-life/

A friend was relaying a story of his 29-year-old son’s dating life. His son was having a hard time meeting young ladies who weren’t needy or clingy. My friend suggested his son date women 3-5 years older. His thinking, older, more experienced women would be more self-assured and less clingy.

His son met a woman who is 32 and they begin to date. Within two weeks this older, more mature woman was texting him repeatedly during the day. Texting or calling on the weekend asking where he was and why they weren’t together.

Needless to say, the relationship ended within a month and from what I understand this young woman thought my friend’s son was being unreasonable when he expected her to not text and call him at work.

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable in a relationship, especially with someone you consider or wish to be your lover and partner. But vulnerability must be a two-way street. Relationships work when both partners can count on each other and the power dynamic is more or less equal. When one or the other is too needy or clingy, relationships don’t last long.

Being too needy is a relationship killer. What can you do to keep from killing relationships?

Be an Adult: Respect your partner the way you expect to be respected and treated. If he needs space sometimes, find the strength to give it to him.

Give Space: If you have an issue with a person who is not a great talker, then strike when the iron is cold. He may be open to a discussion when you are both less regressed and angry and the atmosphere is more relaxed. So, just because you feel the need to talk doesn’t mean you have to talk RIGHT NOW. Heavy conversation go better when both parties are open to engaging.

Get Therapy: If you are needy and in love, look closely at your family of origin which may have been a source of hurt that is being triggered now that you’ve entered the field of intimacy. He can’t fix your wound, only you can.

Watch Out for Depression and Anxiety: Depression and anxiety are more common than you may realize and can interfere with stable thinking. Both can injure your self-esteem and make you needy — and both can be treated; it can only help your relationship.

Your Partner May Be Part of the Problem: Most relationship issues are created by two people. Does he have narcissistic tendencies that make you feel second best? Or, perhaps, he’s simply not into you, and it is time to grieve this relationship. Facing hard facts is often better than feeling tortured day in and day out.

Abuse is not Acceptable: If your partner is physically, verbally or sexually abusive, you must get help and find safety. Your neediness may be part of a dependency that gives him terrible power over you. Under these circumstances, you will probably need outside help. Get it.

The Good News: Most neediness is small and annoying, not life-threatening. If you are in a terribly malignant relationship, get out. But, if your partner is more or less normal, neediness can be a burden that he simply can’t handle.

If you are willing to save your relationship, acknowledge that your excessive possessiveness is detrimental to the relationship. Seeking the appropriate professional help can help guide you onto the right track to save your relationship or marriage.

Do your personal work. Give space. And, love him for his needs as well as yours.

It may just work out.

7 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact

Finding Joy During Your Divorce is Easier than you Think! By Martha Bodyfelt

When we are experiencing loss and sadness in our life, everyday can feel like a struggle. Whether it is recovering from loss of a loved one, divorce, a lay-off, or anything else, we forget to take care of ourselves and find joy at the time when we need it most.

Learning how to reinvent ourselves, establish our independence again, and figure out what we want during this next chapter of our lives is a bit overwhelming. Oftentimes, we may forget to see all the wonderful things that await us.

So often, we get so bogged down with the stress, overwhelm, and emotional roller-coasters that we forget about all the things that we have going for us. But learning to find joy in your life, especially while navigating loss, is an incredible gift that you can give to yourself. And it can be easier than ever when you ask yourself the following.

What amazing things are in your life that you may have overlooked?

We have this unfair expectation that only huge milestones in our lives are worth celebrating. But what about the day-in/day-out struggles that we endure?

We don't give ourselves enough credit for the things we have accomplished. Every day that you take control of your life, every day that you learn a little more about managing money and re-entering the workforce, every day that you get a little bit stronger and take care of yourself and put yourself first and realize that you are worthy of getting your confidence back and reclaiming your life is something you should celebrate.

So, what things will you start to celebrate? I've listed a few of my own!

-I choose to celebrate that I am no longer in a relationship that was unhealthy for me.

-I will celebrate that I am a survivor. I got through this, and now I know I can get through anything.

If you are still having trouble with trying to identify things that bring you joy, don't worry! Finding joy in your life is the most important step to learning how to heal and move on. It is also the easiest but most critical component of taking care of yourself as you recover from loss. Another way to approaching finding joy can come from asking yourself the following.

What is yours that nobody can take?

Answering this question establishes the solid foundation for celebrating what is good in your life. These answers are simpler than you think. Some of my answers, especially during the hardest times of my divorce, included:

-Coming home to a clean house—everything just how I left it.
-The feeling that although I am no longer married, at least I am not in a toxic, unhealthy relationship anymore.

-Knowing that my dog would always greet me with a wagging tail and sloppy kiss.

Those simple things are ones we usually take for granted, but when you are mindful to the love and beauty that actually surrounds you, just waiting to be acknowledged, you will see dozens of things to be happy about that are right in front of you.

When the world still seems like a disaster, or when you are angry over something that happened today, or you saw something or heard something that triggered you into feeling resentful of grief-stricken, you must do this one thing.

Write down 5 things for which you are grateful

These things do not have to be extravagant. In fact, the simplest of things are usually the best, because they remind us that we are still alive and that we will be okay. Need some inspiration? Take a look at last night's entry into my own notebook.

-The new summer weather

-The smell of fabric softener on clean sheets

-Hot Epsom salt bath before bed

-My dog, who is always so playful and silly

-Homemade delicious olive oil cake after dinner

Do this exercise tonight.

I prefer doing this as I am getting ready for bed. After I finish the night rituals but still have a few minutes before I know that I am going to zonk out is when I write these things. It doesn't really matter when you do it exactly, but I find that doing it at the end of the day is the best way to get closure on any nonsense that has gotten in my space, as well as celebrating any good things that have come my way, too.

Make it as easy as possible for yourself.

I keep a medium-sized notebook with a pen on my nightstand, next to my alarm clock. That way, I will see it every night. It can be as simple of a notebook as you want—some people get super-fancy and call them Gratitude Journals. I just call it a lifeline to joy.

A simple habit can change your outlook.

This is not a just-one-and-done thing, however. You must make this a habit in order for it to work. Some studies show that it takes 21 days of practice to make something a habit, but you will start to notice the change in your outlook in in 3 days of writing down.

You may also see patterns of things for which are grateful—things that appear in your notebook regularly. It's not a coincidence. It's a sign that these are the things in your life that bring you joy, and these are the things you should celebrate. These are the things that, when you are angry or lonely, have the power to center you again and remind you that you have control of your life, that you are strong, and that regardless of where you have been, you will get your life and happiness back.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/finding-joy-during-your-divorce-is-easier-than-you-think

Introducing Uncoupled

In the last few years, we have been through relationship breakups of our own.  We became ‘Uncoupled’.  Even though we were the ones who ended our relationships, we discovered that this by no means makes it an easy experience. And harder for the one who was left, with the news often coming as a shock and no time to mentally prepare.

Although it took us both a very long time to make our decisions, and thus we were mentally ready to a degree, we sometimes felt isolated during the undecided and unsettling phase while we were still in the relationship and through the reality of the aftermath. Family and friends could only provide advice to a point; after all, they are not best placed to provide unbiased, objective advice. And let’s face it, if friends haven’t been through it, they don’t always get it (sorry friends!). In fact, I never told my family and most of my friends until several months after the split had happened as I feared the reactions could be too overwhelming. I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable uncomfortable questions and constant enquiries as to my wellbeing that would ensue.

Once the decision was made, and after having the inevitable ‘it’s over’ conversations, (with ex and then with children), the sense of relief was huge.  We were very lucky as we found each other during that time which helped us through the emotional fallout.  Ironically, it is what brought us together as friends. It is true that for every ending there’s a new beginning...

There was so much to think about, not least to try to make the home situation and arrangements as stable as possible for the kids.  Not to mention trying to start over again as a newly separated parent, with new routines, and spending time alone again for the first time in 20+ years during child free days.  Not wanting to remain single, I also knew the inevitable dating scene beckoned too. And dating?! OMG…

We both trawled the internet for help and ideas for newly separated women and found that we were more or less unsupported and alone. We had both used Relate Counselling before and during the split, but they are really there to help mend a failing relationship rather than guide you through the uncoupling of one. What we found was a plethora of dating sites, newspaper articles, legal firms dealing with divorce, single parent support sites, fashion for older women or help with the menopause! A few American sites were helpful but we wanted something UK based. Of course, there are lots of self-help books and chatting to a friend or co-worker on an ad hoc basis helps.

But as busy working mums, we needed a one stop shop where where we could connect with other women who had been through the pre, during and post-split dilemmas we were going through.  Somewhere to find advice, practical ideas, inspiration and sometimes simply offload. But predominantly we wanted to focus on the positives and moving on. We hear many comments such as ‘all men are the same’ or ‘all men are b*******’, however, as many of us are raising sons, is this really a healthy attitude?  This is not a good view of men to promote to our daughters either.  Let’s not forget that there are plenty of men who have been unfairly treated by women.

The estimated percentage of marriages ending in divorce, (according to the Office of National Statistics in the UK), is 42%. This doesn’t account for long-term cohabiting couples, (of which I was one), who separate.  It doesn’t seem right that such a significant section of society seems to be neglected. We deserve more! This is not just the end of a relationship, which is a huge life event in itself, it is also a significant and often difficult life transition for many of us. However, it is also a new world of opportunities and the beginning of an exciting chapter in your life. We want to embrace the largely forgotten group who have found themselves ‘Uncoupled’ whether they chose that new life or not.   

You are no longer alone; we have created UNCOUPLED just for YOU 😊