Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU

10 Marital Problems That Cause Divorce. BY CATHY MEYER

Is your marriage plagued with any of these problems?

All marriages are impacted by problems. Marital problems cause couples to seek a divorce on a daily basis. Whether or not a marriage survives when a problem hits depends on the problem and how a couple decides to deal with that problem

Couples who are able to work together in resolving conflict are more likely to be able to save their marriage. Couples who lack the proper conflict resolution skills may find themselves in divorce court for problems that could have easily been solved.

Below is a list of 10 marital problems that may cause divorce 

Consider how you are currently dealing with these issues, and how you could better deal with these issues for the sake of your marriage.

1. Money problems.

Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues. How you decide to deal with money problems in your marriage will determine whether those problems has a negative or positive effect on your marriage.

If Jane loves Gucci shoes and Dick has a blue collar job, Jane and Dick are going to face having to resolve the problem of Jane's expensive taste and Dick's low income. I wouldn't put money on Dick winning that argument and more than likely, Jane has poor conflict resolving skills. I'm sure that Jane will be disappointed when she finds out that alimony is hard to get these days and even if she did, it wouldn't cover the cost of a new pair of Gucci sandals.

2. Children.

Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples. A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can accentuate differences in beliefs on issues like how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the child care or what educational options to choose.

And, there is the matter of lost sleep, who has to change dirty diapers, run after them when they start walking and the exorbitant cost of daycare. It's easy to see who children can put a strain on even the best marriage. 

3. Sex.

Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage. Withholding sex to punish a spouse, breaks the marital bond. Cheating on a spouse destroys trust. Sex can be a HUGE issue when it comes to undoing the vows you took. 

Sex is wonderful until it isn't anymore!

4. Time apart.

Time apart and a lack of quality time together causes couples to become out of sync with each other. Having shared interests and activities you participate in on a regular basis helps couples stay connected. 

Military couples fall victim to this problem in their marriages. Enduring long deployments and constant temporary assignments away from home couples have to have a special bond for a marriage to last. 

5. Household Responsibilities.

Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do what. Don't quibble or divide up chores, you're adults, if you see something that needs to be done, do it.

Or, decide together to split household chores based on those you each enjoy or can tolerate the best.

6. Friends.

Not all friends are helpful to relationships some of them are toxic. Be sure you know the difference between a friend who will enhance your relationship and one who will break it down.

7. Irritating habits.

Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable. My ex never got angry with me. I ask him once why and told him there had to be things I did that irritated him. He responded by telling me he “loved everything about me.” This was shortly before he decided he no longer loved me! So, don’t be afraid to point out habits that irritate you, just be sure you do it in a non-defensive way.

8. Family.

In-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage.

When coping with negative issues because of family step gently. Our spouse should come first but there are times you have to be willing to take a backseat and bite your tongue.

9. Expectations.

We all go into marriage with certain expectations. Most of the time, marriage is the opposite of what we expected. We romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those romantic expectations aren’t met. Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.

10. Personality conflicts.

Is your personality ruining your marriage? There are personality traits that can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your spouse? Do you bend over backward to please your spouse, neglecting your needs in the process? If you answered yes to any of these, your need to work on changes these negative personality traits.

Each of the above is a very common problem dealt with in a marriage. Although they are problems, they can also be opportunities for growth, learning, and accord. Whether these issues remain problems causing stress in your marriage or become an opportunity for growth is up to you.

https://www.liveabout.com/marital-problems-that-cause-divorce-1102945

Why These Legendary Actresses Opted Out of Marriage | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

Introducing Uncoupled

In the last few years, we have been through relationship breakups of our own.  We became ‘Uncoupled’.  Even though we were the ones who ended our relationships, we discovered that this by no means makes it an easy experience. And harder for the one who was left, with the news often coming as a shock and no time to mentally prepare.

Although it took us both a very long time to make our decisions, and thus we were mentally ready to a degree, we sometimes felt isolated during the undecided and unsettling phase while we were still in the relationship and through the reality of the aftermath. Family and friends could only provide advice to a point; after all, they are not best placed to provide unbiased, objective advice. And let’s face it, if friends haven’t been through it, they don’t always get it (sorry friends!). In fact, I never told my family and most of my friends until several months after the split had happened as I feared the reactions could be too overwhelming. I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable uncomfortable questions and constant enquiries as to my wellbeing that would ensue.

Once the decision was made, and after having the inevitable ‘it’s over’ conversations, (with ex and then with children), the sense of relief was huge.  We were very lucky as we found each other during that time which helped us through the emotional fallout.  Ironically, it is what brought us together as friends. It is true that for every ending there’s a new beginning...

There was so much to think about, not least to try to make the home situation and arrangements as stable as possible for the kids.  Not to mention trying to start over again as a newly separated parent, with new routines, and spending time alone again for the first time in 20+ years during child free days.  Not wanting to remain single, I also knew the inevitable dating scene beckoned too. And dating?! OMG…

We both trawled the internet for help and ideas for newly separated women and found that we were more or less unsupported and alone. We had both used Relate Counselling before and during the split, but they are really there to help mend a failing relationship rather than guide you through the uncoupling of one. What we found was a plethora of dating sites, newspaper articles, legal firms dealing with divorce, single parent support sites, fashion for older women or help with the menopause! A few American sites were helpful but we wanted something UK based. Of course, there are lots of self-help books and chatting to a friend or co-worker on an ad hoc basis helps.

But as busy working mums, we needed a one stop shop where where we could connect with other women who had been through the pre, during and post-split dilemmas we were going through.  Somewhere to find advice, practical ideas, inspiration and sometimes simply offload. But predominantly we wanted to focus on the positives and moving on. We hear many comments such as ‘all men are the same’ or ‘all men are b*******’, however, as many of us are raising sons, is this really a healthy attitude?  This is not a good view of men to promote to our daughters either.  Let’s not forget that there are plenty of men who have been unfairly treated by women.

The estimated percentage of marriages ending in divorce, (according to the Office of National Statistics in the UK), is 42%. This doesn’t account for long-term cohabiting couples, (of which I was one), who separate.  It doesn’t seem right that such a significant section of society seems to be neglected. We deserve more! This is not just the end of a relationship, which is a huge life event in itself, it is also a significant and often difficult life transition for many of us. However, it is also a new world of opportunities and the beginning of an exciting chapter in your life. We want to embrace the largely forgotten group who have found themselves ‘Uncoupled’ whether they chose that new life or not.   

You are no longer alone; we have created UNCOUPLED just for YOU 😊