The psychology of seduction | Raj Persaud | TEDxUniversityofBristol

Disrupting the Divorce Experience. Defining Your Next Chapter. | Sadie Bjornstad | TEDxOakParkWomen

Uma Thurman's Raw, Relatable Post-Divorce Interview | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

Starting Over After Heartbreak

The Perks of Being Divorced. Explore the New You as One of the Perks of Being Divorced By Wendi Schuller

When in the throes of a difficult divorce, it is hard to imagine that life may get better. One is focusing on losses and not anticipating that there are some gains as well. The adage “every cloud has a silver lining” does ring true. Post-divorce, many of us discovered that there were more silver linings than storm clouds, and there are perks of being divorced.

One woman I interviewed, said that she is now “the CEO” of her house. She repainted, rearranged, and planted an extensive garden. Whatever she feels like doing (within her budget), she does it. When married, this woman had to run ideas by her autocratic spouse. Another person adopted a cat as soon as the divorce was finalized. Their former spouse had loathed felines. Men have echoed similar sentiments. They got back into sports, which was fun and resulted in a physically fit body.

Explore a New Career or Head out on Spontaneous Adventures Post-Divorce 

Post-divorce instead of focusing on loss, think of life as a change with new opportunities to reinvent yourself. A divorced friend said that she is “captain of her own ship.” For the first time, she feels that she is totally in charge of her life. Steer your course on unchartered waters – possibly by changing careers. Some of us have become writers and painters in our newly solo lives.

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, re-frame your thoughts to something more positive. I did not realize how drained I was during my marriage trying to please a hostile mother-in-law. The energy I exerted on her is put to better use post-divorce. My social life has expanded and I have time to volunteer. Think about relationships that consumed your time when married. Some of these individuals may be dropped and replaced with positive ones who are supportive.

Being in a troubled marriage can divert attention away from the children. As one of the perks of being divorced, I was able to get to know my sons on a deeper level in my more relaxed state. When trying to hold things together in my unhappy marriage, I only asked the boys superficial questions. Becoming closer to my sons before the empty nest occurred was the most important perk of my divorce.

Travel can be more spontaneous after a divorce when not having to match your time off from work with someone else. A few days ago, I met a divorced pal at a coffee shop. We talked about how one river cruise company was running a 2 for the price of 1 special with free airfare. Neither of us have been to Ukraine, and within a half hour we were all set to go on a river cruise around the Black Sea. This was a repeat from two years prior while sitting at that coffee shop, when we booked a river cruise through Germany. I do not have to check in with anyone else when making on the spot travel arrangements and grabbing bargain rates.

Perks of Being Divorced: Reconnect with Family

Yes, not having a double income is unsettling at times. My sons and I have attained wisdom after divorce and discovered that we do not need a lot of stuff or the latest technology. We prefer to buy minimally and savor experiences over material goods. Our priorities shifted. I have listened to so many stories from others about how divorce forced them to look into themselves and produce rewarding changes. Consider how your divorce can be a catalyst for making adjustments in your life and experience the perks of being divorced.

If you are struggling, consider putting in writing what you are grateful for post-divorce. Jot down how life is better, no matter if it is trivial. Being able to avoid cooking meals by picking up healthy take away has made it on some divorced people’s lists. Writing in a journal is therapeutic. One can look back and see how they have healed or made progress. If you see only negatives, that is what you will find. If you choose to look upon the bright side of life, that is what you will discover post-divorce.

https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/the-perks-of-being-divorced/

6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself After Divorce

You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

By Kavita Verma 

Divorce usually comes with a package of responsibilities. You have to move on emotionally, restart your life, relocate physically, and change your routines – all at once. This is a lot to handle, especially when you are filled with an ocean of emotions because of your divorce. You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

During and after divorce, some people drop back into a relationship with their ex – even if it’s only physical for one of the parties. Really people? You had all the problems in this world with your partner, and now you’re going back for more? Stop! Don’t do it! No matter how much you miss your spouse, your divorce attorney has finally received your signature on the divorce papers, and you can’t turn back the clock to a time when you were happy together.

People have different ways to cope, but whatever your coping strategy is, you must take care of yourself after divorce so you can heal and move on.

Here are 6 ideas to help you take care of yourself after divorce.

1. Don’t dwell for too long

It is, of course, difficult to come out of the past and live in the future after the relationship ends. But lingering over all those things for a length of time is not good at all. It will harm your inner peace more than any other thing. Once the situation is beyond your control, there is no need to waste your precious time thinking about what went wrong.

Talk about it to the people who you think can be of help. This is the way you will get rid of the things that are likely to pollute your inner self otherwise.

2. Realize your worth

When in a crisis, people often drag themselves down. This is not the way out of it. You do have a flaw or maybe more than one, but so has everyone. Even an embroidered cloth has a mess of threads on one of its sides, but that does not make it bad. Introspect. That way, you will come to know your uniqueness in this world.

You now have all the energy of this world, and this is the right time to start something creative, something useful. Do not let the negativities paralyze your mind. If you invest your potential in the right place and thing, chances are, you might bring a change to the society.

3. Manage your finance

Once you are all on your own, the expenditure of money has to be properly planned. If you have a child with you, make sure you save enough to have a secure future. Do not spend on all the things you like. Doing so would put you in financial distress, coming out of which is quite difficult. Seeking the help of a financial advisor here can be a better option, especially when having no idea about the same.

4. Just Let it go

If your head is filled with ‘what ifs,’ ask yourself whether you’re making anything better, or deteriorating yourself? Doing it for some time is natural, but taking it to another level is never going to help you. There is always life beyond any problem. Your, and someone else’s, mistakes help you prepare for the up and coming chapters of your life.

5. Social Media is not the solution

If you think you need to vent out your feelings, don’t ever do this on social media. It spreads much faster than a forest fire does. Instead of posting about it on social media, call a friend, or reach out to your parents. They will be the ones who are going to be your life jacket in a scenario like that.

Do not get into the stalking. This is of no help. Instead, it is hard to come out of this rabbit hole, once you have put yourself into it. Your ex knows you’re not okay, so stop posting the “Look how happy I am!” pictures. It is not going to help you in any way.

6. Forgiveness is necessary

It is tough to forgive someone for their betrayals or other misdeeds – but can be even more difficult to forgive yourself. If the divorce has happened, there was a reason for it. Even if your spouse was unfaithful, or asked for a divorce out of the blue, you played a part in the divorce: even if that was only to be willfully blind to what was staring you in the face, or to enable their bad behavior.  Forgive your ex, and forgive yourself. To do this, take a look back at your relationship without those rose-colored glasses, and figure out what part each of you played in the breakdown of your marriage. Your failures don’t make you a bad person, and the path to peace is forgiveness.

Although you might be in great distress because of your divorce, if you forgive and move on, things will eventually settle down. You will be happy again! Divorce is not fun, but you will definitely get through it. Accept the reality, take care of yourself after divorce, and start living your new post-divorce life now.

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Kavita Verma has been motivating people with her writing for more than five years now. Her educational background in the field of psychology has helped her better understand the emotional issues of the people. In her career as a psychologist, she has helped tons of people in coming out of the mental trauma.https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-after-divorce/

How to Start a New Life after Divorce - Starting Over

How to Stop Crying After Divorce by Steve Gerente

Ending a relationship is difficult, particularly if you have promised to be with each other forever, but separation can sometimes be a blessing. It's okay to shed tears for sometime, but you have to put yourself back in sync and move on. 

Divorce is not the last part of your life, it's just the end of a relationship. While, that would seem so casual, but you may have other stuff that you need to concentrate on, rather than your marriage. If you have kids, this would be a great time to begin focusing on them more. 

Go to the movies, visit the mall, just make yourself occupied with your offspring in order that you will be able to concentrate on something worth your time. Hundreds of folks have passed through divorce, therefore you are not the only one. 

Why should you cry anyway? It's not your fault that it didn't work, you two most likely were just at two dissimilar places in life. It's not because of you personally. There are a lot of things that you have to concentrate on that you may become overwhelmed. However, that's okay, it's a natural reaction. But instead of going in a depression, you must to focus on what's happening. You need to start the process.

The initial process to separating possibly will be therapy. You might need to be off on your own or you can go with your mate. Although it may seem very late for counseling, it will aid you two to be terrific parents. If you will be able to pass though all the issues, all the anger, and you can realize each other's emotions, it follows that you can retain a fantastic relationship after the marriage. 

You may want to go on your own at first. In this way you can get all of your emotions out and you can let go some of the anger and some of the hurt. Counseling is a wonderful beginning because you can find yourself once more after that you can discover things that will aid you to move on. 

There are a lot of questions that you may feel unanswered. Discern that, this was an act of destiny. It may possibly be the result of his actions, your actions, or both. Therefore, do not consider yourself as the problem. Fate was the problem. There are certain facets of the universe that pull people as one and then away from each other, much like a magnet.

If you think about it in terms of fate, you will discover strength, and you will as well attain the courage to keep going. This is just a section in the numerous books of your life. Don't be bothered because there shall be love following divorce and there will be other thrilling chapters of your life yet to be read, therefore it's okay to let go. You by no means be aware of what you may find after this whole thing blows over. 

It possibly will take weeks or months to draw closer to the fact, but you take as much time as you have to. To finish the tears, to end the hurt, you need to find other stuff that will make you in high spirits then just perform it. If you get comfort in associates, be there with them as much as probable. If you have offspring, it goes the same. If you would actually like to stop the crying, you will get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed up, and go to banquet, with friends, or family, or even by yourself. Getting up and looking like a hundred bucks will begin the process of letting go

Whenever you feel lonely or blue, reach out to someone that you love and support you and talk. Talking will help everything. Share your feelings, and whatever you do, do not separate yourself. You should be with people who love you during this moment of need.

http://www.a1articles.com/how-to-stop-crying-after-divorce-2424958.html

Dating After Divorce: Being Too Needy Is a Relationship Killer

https://divorcedmoms.com/excessive-possessiveness-dont-take-it-into-your-postdivorce-dating-life/

A friend was relaying a story of his 29-year-old son’s dating life. His son was having a hard time meeting young ladies who weren’t needy or clingy. My friend suggested his son date women 3-5 years older. His thinking, older, more experienced women would be more self-assured and less clingy.

His son met a woman who is 32 and they begin to date. Within two weeks this older, more mature woman was texting him repeatedly during the day. Texting or calling on the weekend asking where he was and why they weren’t together.

Needless to say, the relationship ended within a month and from what I understand this young woman thought my friend’s son was being unreasonable when he expected her to not text and call him at work.

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable in a relationship, especially with someone you consider or wish to be your lover and partner. But vulnerability must be a two-way street. Relationships work when both partners can count on each other and the power dynamic is more or less equal. When one or the other is too needy or clingy, relationships don’t last long.

Being too needy is a relationship killer. What can you do to keep from killing relationships?

Be an Adult: Respect your partner the way you expect to be respected and treated. If he needs space sometimes, find the strength to give it to him.

Give Space: If you have an issue with a person who is not a great talker, then strike when the iron is cold. He may be open to a discussion when you are both less regressed and angry and the atmosphere is more relaxed. So, just because you feel the need to talk doesn’t mean you have to talk RIGHT NOW. Heavy conversation go better when both parties are open to engaging.

Get Therapy: If you are needy and in love, look closely at your family of origin which may have been a source of hurt that is being triggered now that you’ve entered the field of intimacy. He can’t fix your wound, only you can.

Watch Out for Depression and Anxiety: Depression and anxiety are more common than you may realize and can interfere with stable thinking. Both can injure your self-esteem and make you needy — and both can be treated; it can only help your relationship.

Your Partner May Be Part of the Problem: Most relationship issues are created by two people. Does he have narcissistic tendencies that make you feel second best? Or, perhaps, he’s simply not into you, and it is time to grieve this relationship. Facing hard facts is often better than feeling tortured day in and day out.

Abuse is not Acceptable: If your partner is physically, verbally or sexually abusive, you must get help and find safety. Your neediness may be part of a dependency that gives him terrible power over you. Under these circumstances, you will probably need outside help. Get it.

The Good News: Most neediness is small and annoying, not life-threatening. If you are in a terribly malignant relationship, get out. But, if your partner is more or less normal, neediness can be a burden that he simply can’t handle.

If you are willing to save your relationship, acknowledge that your excessive possessiveness is detrimental to the relationship. Seeking the appropriate professional help can help guide you onto the right track to save your relationship or marriage.

Do your personal work. Give space. And, love him for his needs as well as yours.

It may just work out.

7 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact

The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | Amy Morin | TEDxOcala

The impact of divorce on children: Tamara D. Afifi at TEDxUCSB

Introducing Uncoupled

In the last few years, we have been through relationship breakups of our own.  We became ‘Uncoupled’.  Even though we were the ones who ended our relationships, we discovered that this by no means makes it an easy experience. And harder for the one who was left, with the news often coming as a shock and no time to mentally prepare.

Although it took us both a very long time to make our decisions, and thus we were mentally ready to a degree, we sometimes felt isolated during the undecided and unsettling phase while we were still in the relationship and through the reality of the aftermath. Family and friends could only provide advice to a point; after all, they are not best placed to provide unbiased, objective advice. And let’s face it, if friends haven’t been through it, they don’t always get it (sorry friends!). In fact, I never told my family and most of my friends until several months after the split had happened as I feared the reactions could be too overwhelming. I wasn’t ready to face the inevitable uncomfortable questions and constant enquiries as to my wellbeing that would ensue.

Once the decision was made, and after having the inevitable ‘it’s over’ conversations, (with ex and then with children), the sense of relief was huge.  We were very lucky as we found each other during that time which helped us through the emotional fallout.  Ironically, it is what brought us together as friends. It is true that for every ending there’s a new beginning...

There was so much to think about, not least to try to make the home situation and arrangements as stable as possible for the kids.  Not to mention trying to start over again as a newly separated parent, with new routines, and spending time alone again for the first time in 20+ years during child free days.  Not wanting to remain single, I also knew the inevitable dating scene beckoned too. And dating?! OMG…

We both trawled the internet for help and ideas for newly separated women and found that we were more or less unsupported and alone. We had both used Relate Counselling before and during the split, but they are really there to help mend a failing relationship rather than guide you through the uncoupling of one. What we found was a plethora of dating sites, newspaper articles, legal firms dealing with divorce, single parent support sites, fashion for older women or help with the menopause! A few American sites were helpful but we wanted something UK based. Of course, there are lots of self-help books and chatting to a friend or co-worker on an ad hoc basis helps.

But as busy working mums, we needed a one stop shop where where we could connect with other women who had been through the pre, during and post-split dilemmas we were going through.  Somewhere to find advice, practical ideas, inspiration and sometimes simply offload. But predominantly we wanted to focus on the positives and moving on. We hear many comments such as ‘all men are the same’ or ‘all men are b*******’, however, as many of us are raising sons, is this really a healthy attitude?  This is not a good view of men to promote to our daughters either.  Let’s not forget that there are plenty of men who have been unfairly treated by women.

The estimated percentage of marriages ending in divorce, (according to the Office of National Statistics in the UK), is 42%. This doesn’t account for long-term cohabiting couples, (of which I was one), who separate.  It doesn’t seem right that such a significant section of society seems to be neglected. We deserve more! This is not just the end of a relationship, which is a huge life event in itself, it is also a significant and often difficult life transition for many of us. However, it is also a new world of opportunities and the beginning of an exciting chapter in your life. We want to embrace the largely forgotten group who have found themselves ‘Uncoupled’ whether they chose that new life or not.   

You are no longer alone; we have created UNCOUPLED just for YOU 😊