The Case For 'No Shame' Divorce. By Jessica Richards

Divorce is painful, but the law shouldn’t make it harder. Let’s remove the shame and rethink the process.

How relationships work is always evolving. Marriage has changed a lot since the 1970s but unfortunately, divorce laws in England and Wales have not caught up. 

While no one expects their marriage to end in divorce, it happens to around 100,000 couples each year (according to ONS). All go through a legal process that causes shame and anxiety, during one of the most stressful events life can throw at them. Our old-fashioned divorce laws are failing us and they need a reform.

For the uninitiated, here’s a quick overview of divorce law based on the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. A divorcing couple are treated as two separate parties even if the split is by mutual agreement. One is the petitioner (requesting the divorce) and one is the respondent (acknowledging the request).

The petitioner has to give a reason why the marriage is over. There is a choice of five reasons: adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, separation (two years) or separation (five years). These reasons come with complex conditions. For example, desertion only applies if one party has left the other for two years in the last 2.5. Gov.uk is the best place to find the full details. 

Many people who go through divorce simply want to move on with their lives. But to get a divorce before two years of separation has passed, the petitioner must prove that the respondent is to blame. The only two reasons they can give in this case are adultery or unreasonable behaviour. They must provide evidence of what their spouse did and how they felt about it. In over half of divorce cases, unreasonable behaviour is the reason given.

Tini Owens recently lost a case to divorce her husband on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. To get to this point, she had to share details of her personal life and describe how the situation made her feel “unloved, isolated and alone.” The judge then concluded that her unhappiness was not an acceptable justification to end the marriage. She is being forced to stay married, sentenced to more misery. Her autonomy is being denied. 

We’ve all seen behaviour in other people’s relationships that is either awful or no big deal to us. But who are we to judge? How can anyone judge how another should feel about behaviour they haven’t experienced? Even an actual judge.  

During my own divorce, I felt lost and hopeless for a while. Navigating the legal process was a barrier to healing and getting my life back on track. Supplying private details of my marriage for an unknown person to judge caused yet more heartache. It felt shaming. There were many abandoned attempts before I finally worked up the courage to face the process without the aid of expensive lawyers. Then months of limbo as I waited for the resolution and the permission to move forward. The confirmation I had suffered enough.

Why should the joy and happiness in a marriage be up to us to share or keep private, whilst the difficult times and ways we hurt each other have to be on the record if we divorce? It doesn’t make sense that even though we decide a marriage was over, that isn’t enough. It is as if by failing at the sacred institute of marriage, our decision making can no longer be trusted. An out-dated patriarchal perspective that has no place in modern life.

In 2017 Professor Liz Trinder of the University of Exeter published a comprehensive study of divorce law. Results showed the impact of what she calls our “often painful, and sometimes destructive, legal ritual”. Reasons given for divorces were often inaccurate because people were scared of them being rejected. Forcing couples to attribute blame increased the level of bitterness in many breakups. This often affected children by making it more difficult for financial and access arrangements to be agreed post-divorce.

Trinder said: “In the twenty-first century, the state cannot, and should not, seek to decide whether someone’s marriage has broken down.” Her report provided essential recommendations for reform which are under review. 

In conclusion, divorce is painful. But the law shouldn’t make it harder. Let’s remove the shame and rethink the process. Allow for mutually agreed divorces without a minimum separation period. Treat people as adults who can choose to enter into divorce as they chose to enter into marriage. The no shame divorce is a 21st Century adult right.

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/the-case-for-no-shame-divorce_uk_5b76a79de4b0ef9091f95ac1

Recovering From Divorce. By Jay Williams

Recovering from divorce? Here are 3 things you need to do.

Moving on from a divorce is never easy; the recovery process is always testing and time-consuming. Indeed, it can take months or, in some cases, even years before people start to feel anywhere near like they’re getting back to their best. Indeed, there’s no set time, no deadline, for recovery. It’s a gradual process punctuated by good days, bad days, days where you feel numb and days when you don’t want to get out of bed. Emotions of all kinds will come and go; your general mood will oscillate and more. In time, though, you will feel better.

Whilst you’re in the midst of recovering, however, these three things will make the process a lot easier:

1.       Learn to let things go

This will sound cliched but holding on to negative feelings – particularly those relating to your former spouse – is certain to halt the recovery process. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s a vital life skill and, trust me, once you’ve learnt how to let go, you’ll realise just how much it’s going to help you recover and move on.

There’s a famous quote, often attributed to Buddha (though this is widely disputed), that goes: “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die” and it perfectly exemplifies why learning to let go is so important: if you don’t, you’ll be hurting no one but yourself.

2.       Be kind to yourself

We’ve all made mistakes and, sometimes, we need to spend a little bit of time thinking about them to ensure that a lesson’s learnt. All too often, though, we take this too far: chastising and beating ourselves up when, if we saw a friend or even acquaintance doing the same thing to themselves, we’d tell them that they were needlessly beating themselves up.

Yes, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves but the mistake’s already been made, and lessons have already been learned. Make a conscious effort to be kind to yourself: do things you enjoy, treat yourself to a few things you’ve always wanted and focus on your positive qualities.

3.       Embrace distraction  

It’s normal to want to hide away at home when we’re not feeling 100%. Staying away from social events and the like can seem sensible, often because we’re feeling underconfident and therefore don’t want to spend time with or even around others. Getting out and about is vital to your recovery, however, not just because it’ll help you regain your confidence, but will also result in you having less time to ruminate.

When we’re finding things difficult, time to think can be extremely detrimental. We tend to assume the worst and this can lead to feelings of hopelessness. By keeping ourselves busy, our minds are occupied making such harmful thoughts significantly less likely. What’s more, by investing time in our friends or at the gym, there are other obvious benefits too.

Author bio:

Jay Williams works for Quickie Divorce, and online business providing low-cost divorce solutions to people throughout the UK.

A Guide to Getting Through the Emotions and Pain of Divorce. By Nora Boghossian

As you deal with the emotions and pain of divorce, there are actions you can take to address these feelings and begin the healing process.

The end of a relationship brings forth a multitude of raw, shaky emotions, feelings, pain, and when not addressed it turns into suffering.

We may be triggered by words, sights, sounds when we don’t do the work to release the emotions and pain of divorce fully.

A period of grievance is necessary to fully digest a divorce. Just as we would for any other passing, loss, end. So, too, is the process required to go through during the end of a relationship – divorce, separation, or the end of a committed relationship – in order to be in clarity and reconnect with ourselves again, in order to choose love again and to keep moving on our forward path.

It helps to know that we each have a path to walk on and through, that each of our path is full of lessons. The lessons come in all forms and experiences on all levels – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

When our inward and outward is one, then we are in alignment, centered, grounded vertically, and what happens externally in our horizontal realm does not easily shake us out of our path. Yes we may still be challenged because we are human after all, but we don’t get sucked into so far deep so quickly that we can’t come to the light again. We will be able to rise again. Each time we fall, we will know how to stand again.

Acknowledge and Address Feelings Related to Divorce

So we need to work on ourselves on a deeper level. What does that mean? What does that look like?  Acknowledgement that something is off is key. So when we are aware, it is imperative that we honor that awareness.  The acknowledgment process allows us to address any and all of the feelings and pain of divorce.

The feelings to address may be anger, shock, guilt, sadness, doubt, loneliness, shame, feeling unlovable, lost, unworthy, insecure, loss of trust, disappointment, feeling like we’re not enough, and/or feeling like we’re a failure. These are all stemmed from our fears, conditionings, lack of self-love, lack of self-trust, as well as having dishonored ourselves, our truth, and self-compromise where the commitment to ourselves has been compromised.

One of the fears is that our identity as we had known it has fallen apart, or is no longer. So our mind doesn’t know its function anymore. So we don’t know what to do. This impacts us emotionally and mentally, which then impacts us physically. We feel like we don’t know who we are anymore. In truth, we have forgotten who we are. We forget that we are greater than our experiences such as a divorce. We attach who we are to our human experience instead of who we are at our core. Love. Light. Grace. We have forgotten that we are a Miracle, Blessing, and a Gift, that we have unique gifts to create, collaborate, and share. So having attached ourselves to the form of our external relationship, we feel lost once it ends. We don’t know what to do and what not to do. Constantly judging ourselves. The dialogue is on in our head. We fall into despair, downward spiraling, and the questions begin to swirl.

• What’s wrong with me?
• Why me?
• Why now?
• Why is this happening to me?
• Am I not good enough?
• How am I going to get over this?
• When is this going to end?
• Am I ever going to be OK again?
• Am I ever going to have my life back again?
• Could I have done more?
• Am I ever going to be in a relationship again?

It’s OK to have these thoughts. It’s part of being human.

Free Write Responses to Bring Yourself Clarity

In order to address these questions, one of the many exercises to practice is to free write your responses. This is a way to release what’s in you. Give yourself the sacred space answering these questions without editing, without holding back, without judgment. This helps you get the feelings out. Then you will become present and clarity will rise again. Repetition of this practice as many times as you need it is what carries you to clarity.

Practice Doing Nothing

As you process out the feelings, as they come up, it’s also important to practice doing nothing. This means sitting quietly with your eyes closed so that you may tune out the external more fully and tune into the energy inside of you. Practice being Silent. Breathing. Taking deep breaths. Silence brings forth wisdom, and wisdom unravels clarity. That’s the nature of wisdom. Silence is the frequency from which wisdom is birthed. Wisdom requires us to be quiet and pay attention in order for it to speak to us, and in order for us to hear it well, to tune in, and listen. When we do hear the words of wisdom come through, what comes next is Trusting. Trust is huge. We need to trust what comes through. To trust to the point to which we then begin to take steps towards that trust, that wisdom that’s been delivered to us.

Awareness Is Key

When we take one step, the next step is revealed to us in divine timing. Awareness is key here. When we are aware, our ears are in tune with our soul so we have a deep innate intelligence that’s awake and alert to guide us. As each step is revealed to us, we will acknowledge it. We are in a state of being connected and interconnected. There’s a circling of energy flowing with the higher consciousness.

What happens too with acknowledgement is that we are giving ourselves permission to feel all the gradients of our feelings. We are giving attention to each feeling, which is the beginning. To sit in the pain of divorce and to face it. The work of processing it all through us starts. Since this is deep and intense work, it is important to create a sacred, safe, private space wherein you can dive deep into all the range of emotions freely in a clear and open space, in order to bring them all to completion. So by creating this sanctuary we are able to allow ourselves to be in it, feel it, then we will be ready to release it, to clear it in order to heal it.

Face the Pain of Divorce

So again, in order to get to and be in freedom, first we need to acknowledge our pain. We need to clear our pain in order to heal our pain. We do that by sitting in our pain. Ride it out. Feel it through. Express it out. Giving it the time, space, and attention it needs.

The only way to flush out the feelings that do not serve us, the pain that is keeping us stuck, is to face it and give it the moment, the attention, the acknowledgment that is needed in order to work with it, process it through and out of us.

Otherwise, we leak it everywhere and on everyone since we are holding on to it, carrying it with us throughout our day, day in and day out. We carry the weight of all those feelings, pains, and when avoided and suppressed long enough, they turn to sufferings. The more you hold on to them, the harder it’s going to get to let them go. But with work, it is possible to release them.

This unnecessary hold, this grip will wear us out on all levels. It causes fatigue, aches, and pains on all levels – emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual too. The more you hold onto them, the harder it’s going to get to let them go. But it is possible.

So don’t be surprised, for example, when you wake up tired even though you slept. Sometimes the pain overlaps into our subconscious mind and we experience the pain while we are asleep. That is how we may have dreams of discomfort, sadness, pain, etc. The same feelings we have during our awake life. So, when we have incomplete unsettled feelings and pains we are facing in our wake hours, those remain within us as we go to sleep. So you wake up feeling the impact of it.

As we work on ourselves, we begin to dissolve and lighten ourselves from the feelings and pains energetically and mentally, physically, and spiritually. We begin to rise and reconnect with our higher self, our higher consciousness, and we begin to live from our higher potential.

It’s a matter of being aware of who we are – love and beyond our physical form – on all levels.

As we evolve and grow, new sets of challenges may arise for us to face and overcome. So, it’s an ongoing process. As you may know, the Universe is not concerned with our comfort zone. It works in such a way so that we are learning, growing, evolving, and transforming eternally.

A Different Way of Looking at Yourself and Relationships Will Come

With work, commitment, consistency, compassion and courage, a new and different perspective, a different way of looking at ourselves, at relationships, and at divorce and end of your relationships comes about.

This is what I have learned and I feel the calling to serve you with what I’ve learned, evolved, and transformed in my life too.

I was divorced. I had those feelings. I had those labels. I had those questions. And with the work, commitment, and consistently showing up for myself, I have a new outlook on myself, on my divorce, and end of relationships. So I want to offer the same for you. The two services that I have are a support group only for women on a monthly basis and private one-on-one sessions. When someone is interested in the private sessions, we have a conversation about it in more details.

Commitment: The Most Important Factor to Transform Yourself

The most important factor to transforming ourselves and getting through a divorce, or an end of relationship, is our commitment to ourselves, the consistency to keep committing and recommitting to ourselves, to keep showing up for ourselves. Not just for the sessions but in life itself. Once you have completed your sessions, you will integrate into your life all the wisdom and tools you come away with. This, too, is a process.

The work we are doing is finally giving our pain the attention it has needed in order for it all to clear out of us with respect to the divorce, separation, or end of a committed relationship, so that you may get to heal and recover, reconnect, rejoice, and be free and light again.

What stands in our way of our new possibility is really our own mind, false beliefs, and our limiting ways and what we see ourselves as, our limitations, our identity of who we think we are, our grip and hold on our identity. Our feelings and our collapsing into it over and over again is the vicious cycle, because we haven’t brought them to completion. So that pattern repeats, until we do bring them to completion.

We may feel like our feelings are who we are, but our feelings are just feelings and they pass. They are not who we are.

It may feel that way when you’re in it, living it, breathing it, the pain of it all, and doing so over and over again, cycling back to them again, or being triggered back to them again. And that’s what happens when we don’t clear out what’s there.

So what happens too is when we’re carrying those feelings unresolved we end up manifesting a relationship, a man, or a partner who reflects those unhealed wounds, which are within us and we are faced with them. So they become our lessons.

Be the Queen of Your Life

In order to invoke the King into our life, we have to be the Queen of our life. In order to do that, we have to be able to remove all the blocks within us, all the barriers which keep the man who is a King at bay. We also need to embody the Queen to invoke a king. That means once we’ve cleared our pains, sufferings, and we have healed our wounds, etc., we begin showing up in our own life fully by being and creating all that brings joy into our lives. We have to continue to give attention to our body, mind, and spirit in the way of self-care, and do do so even when we are not in a relationship. To look and feel our best, even when nobody is watching so to speak. To do so for us. Because that tells the universe I’m working on myself. I’m preparing. I’m getting ready. I’m open. I’m available for a relationship again. I am fully connected to the love that I am, again. And we know that – we are ready. We exude a magnetic energy as we practice being in our feminine light.

We practice acceptance, freedom, liberation, rejoicing, and reconnecting to the core and essence of who are – love, light, joy, blessing, and miracle.

The moment we decide we are going to work on ourselves, to get to our clarity, and to reconnect with our highest self again, to choose love again, up comes our fear, resistance, our stories, conditionings, patterns, and issues. It is important to know that this forwarding of our fear is part of the process. It is part of being human. It is our protective mechanism that’s been conditioned over the years. The challenge is to keep on. To commit and recommit to working through all the versions of our emotions and labels of our fears. No matter what shape or form it takes. WE have to keep committing and recommitting to ourselves, so that we are being and living our highest potential.

https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/getting-through-emotions-pain-of-divorce/

Disrupting the Divorce Experience. Defining Your Next Chapter. | Sadie Bjornstad | TEDxOakParkWomen

"What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced" Discover 10 important pieces of advice these women learned the hard way.BY NATASHA BURTON

Hindsight's 20/20, so there's no one better than ex-wives to tell you what to do (and not to do) if you're going through—or just contemplating—a divorce. Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make. Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally.

1. It may take a long time to recover—and that's okay. Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce. "I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says. But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split.Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace. Psychotherapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are. "Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly. "It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."

2. Choose your counsel wisely. "I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. Clifford, CEO of Divorcing Divas. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce. If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros. Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.

3. Dig deeply into your joint finances. According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court. Specifically, "learn all of the online passwords to bank accounts, which accounts had automatic payments and where money is invested, including the names of all accounts, the account numbers and the investment advisors," says Newman. Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though.

4. Figure out your future living expenses ASAP. Your financial well-being should be your top priority, says divorce financial expert and mediator Rosemary Frank. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns.Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living before the divorce proceedings start. "If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says.

5. Anticipate unexpected costs. Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month. Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony. "I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says. "Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Try to have money available—like $5,000—within days. You'll need it."

6. Trying to hurt your ex usually backfires. Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife—and their children—what life is like on a lower salary," she says.Simplybadmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say. "Anything written online about an ex-spouse will exist forever—when the children are old enough to read," cautions Newman.

7. Being divorced doesn't mean you're a failure, less competent or lessdesirable. "Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, PhD, founder of Parents Teach Kids. Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you. "Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says. "You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."

8. The holidays will be harder than you expect. Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce. "I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says. "It amplified the concept of a broken home." She wishes she had made plans to see her mother or a friend—or taken a vacation—to take her mind off spending the holiday by herself. So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.

9. Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will. "Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage.So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing.Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior—acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you—or showing anger toward siblings and peers. Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews. To get things back on track, Doares suggests addressing issues as a family so everyone can talk about the changes together. Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. "It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.

10. Divorce can be freeing—and totally worth it. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007. She now has a blog, PlentyPerfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take. "Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says. "Maybe you don't know what the options are yet, but they're out there."

https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a6834/divorce-advice-women/

4 Reasons Not To Listen To Divorce Advice From Friends & Family

This may just be the most important article you read regarding your divorce.

Going through a divorce is hard enough. The last thing you need is to get slanted, subjective “advice” from family and friends. I get it though, how can you not listen to them?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying family and friends are intentionally trying to give you bad advice. No, not at all. I’m sure they have your best interest in mind. It just so happens that the advice they probably are giving you is bad and you should not listen to it. Take it from a divorce attorney who has seen this more times than I can count.

My clients would ALWAYS tell me some variation of the following: “My best friend’s sister went through a divorce can she got a, b, c and the dishwasher.” My response would be, “Okay, so what are you telling me? You want that, too.”

Divorce doesn’t work that way.

I describe divorce like a snowflake; no two are the same. Every divorce is different. It’s so fact sensitive that there is no way you can compare one to another.

Maybe you were married the same amount of time as someone you know who got divorced. Maybe you have the same number of children. But, that’s not how assets get divided.

There is a myriad of factors that attorneys and courts consider when discussing alimony and asset distribution. No two couples have the same assets. No two couples have the same marriage. That’s why you can’t compare one divorce to another.

Here are 4 reasons not to listen to family and friends for divorce advice:

1. They don’t know all the detail and facts about your marriage, even though they think they do.

If you’re close to your friends and family, they probably know about you and what’s going on in your life. However, I don’t care if you speak to them every day, I guarantee you they don’t know everything. They don’t know all your assets that would be subject to distribution; they don’t know all the numbers and finances. And even if you told them, they don’t know how to process that information objectively and legally so it would mean something to you.

2. They don’t know the law.

Unless your friend or family member is a practicing divorce attorney, they don’t know the            law regarding divorce. They might think they do, but they don’t know it all. Watching Divorce Court is not the same thing as being a divorce lawyer. Divorce law is         complicated and it all depends on the specific facts of your particular case. It’s not as simple as just splitting everything, taking an average, or basing child support on how many kids you have. Friends and family are not considering the nuances of your case.

3. They are not living the divorce like you are.

The only person who truly understands what your divorce feels like is you. The second closest would be your soon-to-be ex. Not your family or friends. I would compare their view to a fan watching the game from the stands. The fan can remove themselves from the game whenever they choose and maybe get a hot dog, or just leave the stadium if the game is boring. Not you and your divorce. You can’t escape it. Their advice is       coming from a different point of view, which might be good, but often it is either useless or makes things worse.  

4. They are not objective, which is the type of advice you need to rely on.

That’s why people hire attorneys. Although they are your advocate, they should be objective and advise you accordingly. A good divorce attorney acts without the emotional baggage that you are dealing with. Friends and family can’t do that. Just the nature of being your friend means they are not objective and probably are unconsciously trying to make things right for you. As a divorce attorney, I’m always straight up with my         clients; I tell them the good, bad and the ugly. The last thing you want is to be surprised when the judge decides something differently than you expected.

The Most Important Piece Of Legal Advice You Will Get:

Here it is…ready?  It will blow your mind.

Don’t listen to your friends, their friends, or your cousin’s brother’s friend.

Everybody will want to give you advice about what he or she got in his or her divorce, or better yet, what you should get in yours. Just tune it out.

You can’t compare your divorce to someone else’s. There is nothing good that can come from it. Focus on you. Seek out objective opinions and take subjective advice with a grain of salt.

Save yourself the wasted energy from engaging in conversation about other people’s divorce. Next time one of your friends or family offers advice to you on your situation, you can politely stop them from offering their advice to your situation.

If you are in the middle of a divorce, or about to start one, you have BIGGER fish to fry than to worry about another divorce, or what people are saying about yours. 

This is your life and only you will live with the consequences of the decisions you make.

https://divorcedmoms.com/4-reasons-not-to-listen-to-divorce-advice-from-friends-family/