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6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself After Divorce

You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

By Kavita Verma 

Divorce usually comes with a package of responsibilities. You have to move on emotionally, restart your life, relocate physically, and change your routines – all at once. This is a lot to handle, especially when you are filled with an ocean of emotions because of your divorce. You have to take care of yourself after divorce to make the transition from married to single successfully.

During and after divorce, some people drop back into a relationship with their ex – even if it’s only physical for one of the parties. Really people? You had all the problems in this world with your partner, and now you’re going back for more? Stop! Don’t do it! No matter how much you miss your spouse, your divorce attorney has finally received your signature on the divorce papers, and you can’t turn back the clock to a time when you were happy together.

People have different ways to cope, but whatever your coping strategy is, you must take care of yourself after divorce so you can heal and move on.

Here are 6 ideas to help you take care of yourself after divorce.

1. Don’t dwell for too long

It is, of course, difficult to come out of the past and live in the future after the relationship ends. But lingering over all those things for a length of time is not good at all. It will harm your inner peace more than any other thing. Once the situation is beyond your control, there is no need to waste your precious time thinking about what went wrong.

Talk about it to the people who you think can be of help. This is the way you will get rid of the things that are likely to pollute your inner self otherwise.

2. Realize your worth

When in a crisis, people often drag themselves down. This is not the way out of it. You do have a flaw or maybe more than one, but so has everyone. Even an embroidered cloth has a mess of threads on one of its sides, but that does not make it bad. Introspect. That way, you will come to know your uniqueness in this world.

You now have all the energy of this world, and this is the right time to start something creative, something useful. Do not let the negativities paralyze your mind. If you invest your potential in the right place and thing, chances are, you might bring a change to the society.

3. Manage your finance

Once you are all on your own, the expenditure of money has to be properly planned. If you have a child with you, make sure you save enough to have a secure future. Do not spend on all the things you like. Doing so would put you in financial distress, coming out of which is quite difficult. Seeking the help of a financial advisor here can be a better option, especially when having no idea about the same.

4. Just Let it go

If your head is filled with ‘what ifs,’ ask yourself whether you’re making anything better, or deteriorating yourself? Doing it for some time is natural, but taking it to another level is never going to help you. There is always life beyond any problem. Your, and someone else’s, mistakes help you prepare for the up and coming chapters of your life.

5. Social Media is not the solution

If you think you need to vent out your feelings, don’t ever do this on social media. It spreads much faster than a forest fire does. Instead of posting about it on social media, call a friend, or reach out to your parents. They will be the ones who are going to be your life jacket in a scenario like that.

Do not get into the stalking. This is of no help. Instead, it is hard to come out of this rabbit hole, once you have put yourself into it. Your ex knows you’re not okay, so stop posting the “Look how happy I am!” pictures. It is not going to help you in any way.

6. Forgiveness is necessary

It is tough to forgive someone for their betrayals or other misdeeds – but can be even more difficult to forgive yourself. If the divorce has happened, there was a reason for it. Even if your spouse was unfaithful, or asked for a divorce out of the blue, you played a part in the divorce: even if that was only to be willfully blind to what was staring you in the face, or to enable their bad behavior.  Forgive your ex, and forgive yourself. To do this, take a look back at your relationship without those rose-colored glasses, and figure out what part each of you played in the breakdown of your marriage. Your failures don’t make you a bad person, and the path to peace is forgiveness.

Although you might be in great distress because of your divorce, if you forgive and move on, things will eventually settle down. You will be happy again! Divorce is not fun, but you will definitely get through it. Accept the reality, take care of yourself after divorce, and start living your new post-divorce life now.

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Kavita Verma has been motivating people with her writing for more than five years now. Her educational background in the field of psychology has helped her better understand the emotional issues of the people. In her career as a psychologist, she has helped tons of people in coming out of the mental trauma.https://www.divorcemag.com/articles/ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-after-divorce/

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Why I Admire Gwyneth’s 'Give It A Go' Attitude To Her Second Marriage by Rachel Taylor

After the “conscious uncoupling” (i.e. separating) announcement a few years ago, we are probably quick to cringe at Gwyneth Paltrow’s choice of words. So, when last week she said she was going to “give [marriage] a go” again, maybe we rolled our eyes a bit and thought the words told us everything we needed to know about typical celebrity flippant-ness towards the union.

But I don’t think anyone approaches marriage without a big, heavy dose of seriousness. Starting with the tens of thousands invested in the wedding itself and followed by the hardly unambitious goal of living happily ever after, it couldn’t be much more loaded.

So, if like me, you know what it feels like to embark on a second marriage, you might think that “give it a go” instills a bit of refreshing lightness into proceedings - and that, in my view, is heartily helpful for anyone starting again.

Why?

First of all, “give it a go” means having the courage to try – and fail - again

Gwyneth has spoken about overcoming feelings of failure resulting from her divorce. Any marriage - celebrity or not - that doesn’t work out feels like very public failure. Most of us don’t have to endure having our marriage breakdown discussed online, but we still feel that everyone (from the school gate acquaintances to your parents’ friends and distant relatives) is talking about it and speculating on what went wrong.

And that’s all just amplified when you do it a second time. I remember a twice-divorced friend ruefully telling me to be “sure” when I embarked on No. 2, because “people forgive you your first divorce, but the second is definitely you”. Unfortunately those words, and knowing that many would brand me a failure, only made me resist for far too long the difficult truth that I had to leave my second husband.

Second, “give it a go” is realistic

While we may be older and wiser, sadly the odds of “not-first” marriages lasting are against us, with an estimated 67% of second and 73% of third marriages ending in divorce.

There are lots of reasons why. For a start, children (usually from a first marriage) create glue and a shared bond. One of the saddest things about a divorce is that you no longer have someone to share your limitless (and often pretty boring to others) interest in your children. This unconditional love (and the inevitable time and attention involved) is a complicated rift to navigate with a new partner because it is so hard for them not to feel excluded.

Another thing is that while an early marriage sees us growing up and moulding together, when we are older compromise is less easy. Prue Leith, for example, has spoken about how she favours living separately (usually not financially an option but one that many of us can see the attraction of) from her second husband so that she can live the way she wants to and doesn’t have to put up with his “clobber”.

Third, “give it a go” acknowledges that we don’t know what life will throw at us

I hope Gwyneth’s second shot at marriage goes well but if it doesn’t, it may well be little to do with “her” or “him” and be simply because difficult stuff happens in life. Disability is one of the things that makes divorce more likely. Redundancy (not likely, I know, to hit Gwyneth) can also increase the odds of divorce. These things are out of our control but put massive pressure on a relationship through absolutely no fault of our own.

Despite all this, I take inspiration from of friend of mine’s mother who, now in her mid-80s, finally found lasting happiness in her fourth marriage with a man she met on the internet ten years ago. If she hadn’t kept “giving it a go”, she would be alone and lonely. Instead, to the joy of her children, she is happier than she has ever been.

I haven’t given up on love and hope one day to be married again and if I do, I’ll be going into it with Gwyneth’s realistic words ringing joyfully in my ears. And that, I think, will be giving it the best chance of success.https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/why-i-admire-gwyneths-give-it-a-go-attitude-to-her-second-marriage_uk_5a5c9e2be4b003efadb6afa6?utm_hp_ref=uk-marriage

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